Death is nothing at all my version

Absolutely how I feel Sending love Wilbert xx

I could have written this. 28 months in to this miserable life. Some days are just as painful as the early days. I try hard to make a life and some days, I almost feel like myself old self and then crashing down it all comes again, the tears. pain and anger just flood back. 

People drift away which just adds to the pain and the feeling of isolation.  

Sorry just not feeling life today  

Lovely words. I can resonate so much. Yes we don't know who we are anymore or where we fit in and as you wrote it's not `we` any more and just `me`. 32 months since my husband passed so much has happened in that time he has not been here to see. So much I have had to try to navigate without him and at times it has been trial and error but I've thankfully got through it. The grief still comes in waves and for the last couple of weeks I have been fighting against the tide trying to get back to shore. Best Wishes to you. 

Vicky xx

My husband died two weeks ago. I used to feel like I was running out of time, wanting to experience new things and seek adventure, trying to squeeze as much out of life as possible. Now life feels so long, so empty. He's not here to share it with, to turn to and say 'look at that!'. This is never not going to hurt, is it? I'm completely broken. 

Hi shoulders. So sorry read about the death of your husband. Its still so new for you, have you even had the funeral yet?

My hubby died in October, and the pain is still raw for me. Life as you say feels so empty, like half of you is missing, which of course it is. 

Do you have family or friends around you?

We are a lovely bunch here, many of us navigating this dark world without a map. You can say anything hete, noone will jydge you.

Big hug coming your way.

Thank you. Reading your posts has helped and I'm managing my expectations that I'm in it for the long haul. Appreciate your response. Thank you 

Oh this trial and error of life now! 
From cars, to insurance, to boilers, to cooking, to shopping, to being ill, to decorating. 
Life was always trial and error, even with our beloveds. But without our beloveds to help, advise, guide, do, it’s extra hard to navigate. 

Last month was incredibly painful. It being the 2nd wedding anniversary without him. The 2nd of my beautiful Valen’s birthdays without him. The reality this year is more solid than last year. 
And now there are signs of spring. The flowers and trees are budding. The gardens I pass on my daily walks are getting more colourful. People keep saying “it will be better when the better weather arrives”.
No it won’t.  I’ll be just as bereft, in despair, scared, traumatised, in pain. Just hotter.

I get that Shoulders. As often something will happen and Jay (my late husband) is not here to see it. He would always have an opinion on something on the TV or something we would laugh at together or something that is happening in the world just now and I often wonder just what he would make of all the goings on in the world just now. 

xx

I agree to `all of the above` Mrs VT as you say life is always trial and error even with someone by your side but that bit harder without them

This is all so true. Grief is raw and I feel as if I've had a layer of skin ripped away and just existing is painful. I wish I could sleep more, at least that's some sort of escape. I'm so tired of pretending to be okay, can't people see the truth? 

I went to a bereavement group for the first time this week, but witnessing people mourning their mothers and sisters only made me feel worse, they don't understand this loss, when your home is empty and you don't even know who you are any more. I'm not belittling those losses, I was devastated when my mum died, but this is not the same. I know all of you get it, because sadly you are living this crap life too. 

I've had a couple of ok days. I didn't cry at the group. This morning all I can do is sob. Raw grief. Lonely grief. Isolating grief. All I can think is 'I miss you' and 'I love you' and if I look at his lovely smiling face in all the photos I miss him more. 

Thankyou for being here when no one else is.