Hi. I'm struggling, it's like he's just died all over again. I was diagnosed with cancer of the osphegous a few weeks later. No symptoms before, till just after he died. And here I am, I'm so depressed. I went into the garden earlier and watered my parched plants and sobbed and sobbed. Tears streaming. So so sad. I don't recognise myself. Weight loss, no hair. My Life has turned on a sixpence. 6 months. No more that a bit glam independent exceptional 80 Yr old, they said. Now I look like an old women in the depths of despair . I truly wonder why I'm putting myself through the FLOT regime, to maybe have this major op. What's the point, my life can never be the same. Maybe the chemo is making the depression worse, or the jabs for low white blood cells. Who knows. I just have to hope tomorrow is another day it can only get better.
