Its a long story and I won't post it all here. I lost my husband in early April. I joined the online community in early March after he'd been given an informal diagnosis of metastatic stomach cancer following an endoscopy. He'd been unwell since late 2024 - we kept going back to the Drs and earlier test results were negative and he was only referred on the two week pathway in late Feb 'in case there is something we've missed'. He had 10 days in hospital and then was discharged home with no care and support package late one Friday evening. Only my closest friends know how horrendous the next two weeks were until he had a formal diagnosis and was admitted to hospital again through A&E. He didn't want to go he wanted to stay at home but I couldn't cope with giving 24/7 care with no support at all - I'd thought I would get support if he was readmitted and he'd had a formal diagnosis. He wasn't eating or drinking, he could hardly get out of bed, etc etc. Time ran out for us. He was too ill when he was readmitted and there was only going to be one outcome but I didn't expect the speed he was gone.
His second hospital stay was traumatic as well, drips not replaced when run out, anti-nausea medication making him have delusions which wasn't noticed until I saw a pattern and advocated for a change of meds.
I wasn't with him when he died - he was being moved to palliative care and the hospital said they would ring if anything changed. They did - 12 hours later when he had just died. We'd discussed his treatment knowing it was palliative but at no point did they tell me that they were actively treating him for pneumonia before that and were withdrawing that treatment. They also didn't say they were moving him to end of life care that day - found out later by the little wooden heart they put with his belongings. If they had I would never had left and our kids would have been able to get to the hospital to say goodbye. He was scared and he lost so much in his last three weeks. I saw him after and I told everyone he died peacefully but I don't think he did.
It's so hard and just when I think I'm managing and I've got things sorted the rug gets pulled out again - I changed our broadband provider this week and was told I could keep our home phone number. It got disconnected on Wednesday and I can't get it back. It feels like it is too soon for that to be gone and even if it isn't now I have yet another admin task trying to work out who (including funeral director for direct cremation and we don't have his ashes back yet) had the number and who I have to inform in what order. Why is everything so difficult? I don't know who I am anymore.
