Work is looming next week and I'm still crying

Hi Toosoon

I too lost my partner to cancer 7 months ago. It was unexpected and very sudden at the end, and after 5 years of caring for him, going to all hospital appointments and scans etc it was a huge shock, and then an empty void.

I have good days and bad days, often not believing he is no longer here, & still think I may see him soon, but all the plans we had, have just been taken away, and its difficult to think that you have to restart your life.

I find it best to take it a day at a time, and try not to think longer term. I have a lot of good friends who constantly rang me, took me out for coffee or lunch, & a good friend who arranges short trips for me, to keep me busy. I have gone back to doing courses and swimming that I didnt have time to do, and also new activities.. I dont mind doing such things on my own, as it helps to meet new people, who dont know anything about my situation which I find helps.. I found it helpful to keep busy, but if I feel  Ive done too much, it's important to accept you need to rest or slow down.

At the start I sought comfort through my local church. I was amazed at how friendly and understanding people were, & how many had done the same thing when they lost a partner/ husband/ wife. There was a lot of activities organised through the church, which I never knew about, and easy to get involved in, if you want to, or just a place to go for a coffee/ chat. I have met a lot of people already (I wasn't a churchgoer previously).

I dont know how long the empty/ sometimes lonely feelng lasts, but find it important to keep busy and active, and it's also Ok to cry if you need to.

Hope this helps

Thank you yes it does I know I can't go on like this currently.

I did get up ate and got some enthusiasm back to just varnish a rail in the hallway. It's the quiet now though without my husbands presence that upsets me. He would have said what r you doing leave it till the morning you've worked hard enough all day I miss that as you say void.  Still don't want music or TV.. I will be back in bed soon I know to face another day tomorrow.

Sorry it's a bad day today again! 

No need to say sorry, its only been 3 weeks since your husband passed. It's all very surreal.

I go to bed early too, Ive tried some youtube meditation videos to help me sleep.

Take care of yourself.

It’s been 8 unbelievable months since my beautiful Valen was ripped from me. We were supposed to get a far to short 3 to 6 months but only got 4 weeks before he suddenly, traumatically was taken. 

I was initially signed off work for 2 months then on a rolling monthly basis as no way could I go back to working as a phlebotomist and HCA in a GP surgery. Work was very understanding. But in the end I decided I couldn’t face it.

My Valen and I had long discussions about what I should do when he passed. 
From cooking (he did some videos of him cooking his curries and soups. Which I can’t watch yet as they were when he looked and sounded so ill), to the garden, to looking after mum and work. 
He was adamant, and I promised, that I should take a hard look at what I do. He knew I was no longer happy doing what I did. 
He wanted me to take time out and find something I would love. 
I am in the horrifically “fortunate” position to take early retirement/ a long sabbatical. 

Well, I have found something I am really enjoying and would never have done without his encouragement. 
I volunteer at our local museum, archiving their collections. 
The lovely boss understands that there may be days I don’t turn up, and not to worry if I don’t. 
Amongst the other volunteers nearly all have been bereaved, so understand what I am going through and are so supportive. 
I have very slowly started to make friends with some of them, though I am only 57 and most are in their 70s or older.

I must admit that though I enjoy my 30 minute walk to and from there (weather permitting), and loose myself when there, I do drag my heels as I approach home. 
But then I do that if I’ve just been for a walk, or been to see mum or for whatever reason I have left the house. 
Knowing that there is that awful silent silence, that stillness awaiting, the non response to my entry grips me as I get closer. 
Yes I cry before I step inside. Cry in the hallway. Cry as I tell him about my day. 
But I am honouring his wishes and he would totally love what I am doing.

So my advice?
Only go back to work so soon, and 3 weeks is early days, if you are ready. Don’t feel pushed into it. 
Be prepared to take a step back if it’s to much after a few days.

Good luck xx