I am really struggling again.
It’s got worse since I finished counselling. We both thought I was good with coping strategies and both agreed the time was right to end, after 12 weeks.
It’s been nearly 8 months since my beautiful Valen was ripped from my side. He was supposed to have 3 to 6 months but only got 4 weeks with the last week incredibly weak with horrendous breathing.
As many of you know, he was taken the morning he was due to start chemo.
The day after he was told, by phone, that the metastic cancer was also on his brain stem.
I had to watch the last shred of hope die in his eyes.
His passing was traumatic. Not peaceful.
Ambulance crew. Helicopter crew. Police (we were in a hotel)
Anyway, I don’t go to bed till 2 or 3am. Turn the light out an hour later. Get up again 6 or 7.
The crying has increased again. Sometimes to the point of being physically sick.
The eating has gone back to packets of crisps, half a loaf of toasted bread at a go, fistful’s of nuts.
I do go out every day. I enjoy my part time work at the local museum and fort 4 days a week. See mum, who is 90 this year and lives down the road, 3 times a week. Go to a craft afternoon at my “safe space” cafe where we all have mental health issues. Go for long walks.
And I’m good when I’m out.
But behind closed doors I am a mess.
My question is…. Are any of you on, or been on, antidepressants and are they, or did they, help at all?
I know we are all different and what works for 1 won’t work for another.
I have been reluctant to go this route but feel I need some extra help.
Thank you for any advice xx
