I feel like a damaged coiled spring...

Oh Pooka 

It so resonates with me too at the moment. You have written to me before so I don't forget your kind words.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way and all I can say is HOLD ON. We must. I was " told " the other day by someone I should move to a small apartment in the city. What to do there except feel more lonely? No. I already have a house which badly needs doing up but this is a project for this year. 

I recognize how you are feeling as I am doing a lot of soul searching at the moment too. Often in tears and a facial rash that doesn't seem to improve. Stress I am sure. Not going out either but don't want anyone to see my blotchy face !

Take it slowly and small steps. We can only do that now. And wait for the waves to subside which they will.

Hugs are here for you 

Thank you Fifinet,

It's nice to know someone is out there...

I sincerely hope your face rash heals soon, maybe the change of season may help us all feel a bit better.

Take care

Mym x

Oh Bless You Pooka!

Yes I am one of the ones experiencing `early widowhood` as you have mentioned I am only 7 months in from losing my darling husband to bowel cancer and like you I can relate to the `being in limbo` just not knowing where to go or how to be and more or less just trying to do things for the sake of it to save you going totally insane. This week has not been a good week for me just things in general one of those weeks where things don't seem to go right no matter how hard you try and I have had frequent weeks like this in the last 7 months it's  one of my `hideaway weeks` where I feel I don't want to go out anywhere or see or talk to anyone.   Even when being `active` I still feel the emptiness. Like you I find myself saying what am I doing these things for? is there any point to actually doing anything now. 

I can't cry for my husband. I feel I still have loads of grief bottled up ready to explode but can't find an outlet for it and am just concerned when and if it does happen it will come at an inappropriate time or place. I cried buckets when he was going through his illness but for some reason no matter how much I think of him and think back to the past, the tears just don't come. I feel if I had one big outburst I may feel a whole lot better. And as you say, there are others worse off and at least we are still here but sometimes it can be a lonely existence even if there are other people around you. I just feel `empty` most of the time just now and just moving forward on `autopilot`. I am getting some bereavement support just now it's going ok and i'll see if at the end it has helped. It helps just having someone to offload your issues to. It's good to come on here and to see there are others going through the exact same issues as you are. My best wishes to you moving forward and hope all of us going through this will find a way of dealing with our grief in the best way possible as we can. 

Vicky xx

Hi Pooka 

I am 6 years in May into this journey & I can resonate so much with what you’ve said. 
my heart truly goes out to you. 

I am still grappling with that feeling of waiting for something to happen & not knowing what that is. Sometimes I think my husband would be so cross with me for living in limbo but it’s so hard to find motivation to change or try new things. I’m working part time but apart from going to work could easily stay indoors all day every day..I’m not depressed but I just don’t enjoy anything the same, my life has changed so much 

I go through stages when I think I should move house to try & help me & really felt that at Christmas but I’ve got 3 young adults living with me (youngest 16 & at school) so I feel stuck. There’s no point moving anyway unless I downsize & that’s not an option right now. 

As Fifinet said, we have to just hold on. 

No advice, only know that I get it & understand. Big hugs xx

Thank you for your messages of support.. the beauty of this forum is realising that other people are experiencing the same or similar emotions and can truly understand our grief.

Hugs to you all

Mym x