Guilt, Grieving and Moving Forward

First I would like to wish you all the best possible Christmas under the circumstances that you are going through. It is just over 8 years since Jean, my wife of 52 years passed away, just prior to Christmas, and that reminds me of a little snippet that may bring a smile in hard times. When Jean was in the Hospice my 6 year old grandaughter asked me if Nana was going to die before Christmas. I said I don't know when God's angels will come for her pet. She contemplated this for a moment or two then said , "if she does die before Christmas will she leave a list of presents you have to buy for me" Ahh, the innocence of children, but I couldn't help but smile in difficult times. Three years after Jean passed i responded in this group to a young mother of two who had lost her husband a few months earlier. She was thinking of her future, bringing up two children alone, she was angry that her husband had left her alone and was thinking hopefully she would meet someone new. She felt guilty at having these thoughts and felt she was betraying her husband. Guilt and anger are symptoms of grief so she had nothing to feel guilty about really. I said to her look at life this way like I do, like a book or library of books, the first book is written, finished, not hidden away though but on the shelf next to Jeans photos. To be looked at, with love, full of memories, some good, some sad, but all memories of life with Jean. Alongside it is a new book, being written day by day, Jean is not forgotten and never will be, she lives on in my heart and mind, talked about openly with everyone, without feeling guilty at moving forward. It is very hard but our lives go on, With the help and support of others we can battle through and learn to live with our loss. Keep talking, helping and supporting each other and don't feel guilty as you move forward in life. Our loved ones would/will be pleased to see us moving forward with them still in our hearts and minds.