Just so happy to have loved each other

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It's nearly five months since Caro died and she was the love of my life. 23 years together and nearly 13 married. But stage 3 lung cancer only gave her 11 months. 

But the biggest feeling I now have is that I'm SO glad we always said how much we loved each other because 11 months would never have been enough. And so grateful to be loved by someone I really loved too.

I have absolutely no belief in a heaven or afterlife or anything but Caro was so gloriously alive that its like you can still feel the ripples of her presence.

Family and friends have been lovely and I'm watching out for them as much as they are for me. Five grown up children between us and they'll all be back for Christmas.

And I stay active and tell people to keep talking to me. And every day I thank her for the life we had. And I cry sometimes, but never despair. She was lovely and so was our life. Thank you, Caro XXX

  • Hi Padjo59 thank you for the lovely post and it brought tears to my eyes as Im sure it did to many. Many people search a lifetime for a love like  that, so to have had this with Caro it is such a joyous thing to hold onto and thank you for sharing this with us.

    Sending some hugs for now. Hugging    

    gail

     
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  • What a lovely post Padjo59.

    I too lost my husband Jay 5 months ago to bowel cancer. I am now `learning` to live without him. I thought I could never but you just do and get on with things. He said I was the `strong one` in our marriage of 37 years (together for 40 altogether) and I would survive and go on without him. He too was always telling me how much he loved me and how if it weren't for me he wouldn't be where he was etc. I sometimes still think I am dreaming all this and he is not gone but then it hits you like a wave that he is very much so. I still like to think he is around somewhere though watching over me- making sure I'm looking after his car for him his pride and joySlight smile and guiding and navigating me through things in general. It is going to be so hard with this being my first Christmas without him in 40 years but I will try to make an effort if only for our little granddaughter who was born 3 years ago just a year before he received his bowel cancer diagnosis that is the other sad thing that he won't see her grow up. He wanted to be here to see her go to school but sadly that wasn't to be and cancer had other plans for him. I can't cry weirdly. I feel really sad some days and want to but it just doesn't come and I feel I still have loads of grief inside me waiting to be released but can't get an outlet for it. I wish you well in your continued journey without your lovely Caro and hopefully I can soldier on just as well without my Jay. Best Wishes to you. 

    xx

  • I've been reading on the website without contributing to discussion for a wee while. 

    The 'heading' of this discussion however got to me tonight as it, I feel, sums it up for me - maybe everyone - in that I was just so happy to be in love. What more can anyone of us ask for throughout our lives?

    There is such a common bond between us, whilst being strangers to one another, who contribute to the forum here - and I mean beyond the obvious fact that our loved ones went through what they did. What I mean is - they were everything to us. 'Soulmate' can be over used at times however that is what I feel. I was always 'advised' I never understood what I really 'meant' to 'you know who' - but oh my, I did as it was very much the other way around too.

    Do my ramblings make sense again? I'm merely trying to say that my love was everything and it is still as strong 19 months later and I know it will never change. I was with the person of my life for almost 30 years. I wish I could live it all again.

    Take care,

    WJD

  • Thanks WJD.

    Like you I lost my soul mate, really we had a quiet life, so fine together doing everything, knowing everything about each other. 

    14 months for me after 32 years together. 

    I am still in denial. I loved your declaration of your ongoing love for your husband, and positive reflection to live it all again! 

  • Hi Daybreak2,

    I like your comment about knowing everything about one another.

    I feel that way too albeit my wife and I never spoke about everything that had happened in our lives before we met. We did though 'know' and understand everything. That's what made it all the so much better!

    Take care,

    WDJ

  • The last bit you wrote about wishing you could do it all again is exactly how i feel to. I  miss my soulmate so much the pain is just so bad nearly 6 months on. I cannot wait for Christmas to be over, although i have then got to deal with the fact it would have been my husbands Birthday in January, then Valentines day which we always celebrated, then in March it will be the Anniversary of us renewing our Wedding vows in the Maldives. So many firsts have happened since October. All i want is just to go and be with him, i am not bothered about carrying on, because without him by my side there is no living just existing. Take care everyone.