It's nearly five months since Caro died and she was the love of my life. 23 years together and nearly 13 married. But stage 3 lung cancer only gave her 11 months.
But the biggest feeling I now have is that I'm SO glad we always said how much we loved each other because 11 months would never have been enough. And so grateful to be loved by someone I really loved too.
I have absolutely no belief in a heaven or afterlife or anything but Caro was so gloriously alive that its like you can still feel the ripples of her presence.
Family and friends have been lovely and I'm watching out for them as much as they are for me. Five grown up children between us and they'll all be back for Christmas.
And I stay active and tell people to keep talking to me. And every day I thank her for the life we had. And I cry sometimes, but never despair. She was lovely and so was our life. Thank you, Caro XXX
Hi Padjo59 thank you for the lovely post and it brought tears to my eyes as Im sure it did to many. Many people search a lifetime for a love like that, so to have had this with Caro it is such a joyous thing to hold onto and thank you for sharing this with us.
Sending some hugs for now. 
gail
What a lovely post Padjo59.
I too lost my husband Jay 5 months ago to bowel cancer. I am now `learning` to live without him. I thought I could never but you just do and get on with things. He said I was the `strong one` in our marriage of 37 years (together for 40 altogether) and I would survive and go on without him. He too was always telling me how much he loved me and how if it weren't for me he wouldn't be where he was etc. I sometimes still think I am dreaming all this and he is not gone but then it hits you like a wave that he is very much so. I still like to think he is around somewhere though watching over me- making sure I'm looking after his car for him his pride and joy
and guiding and navigating me through things in general. It is going to be so hard with this being my first Christmas without him in 40 years but I will try to make an effort if only for our little granddaughter who was born 3 years ago just a year before he received his bowel cancer diagnosis that is the other sad thing that he won't see her grow up. He wanted to be here to see her go to school but sadly that wasn't to be and cancer had other plans for him. I can't cry weirdly. I feel really sad some days and want to but it just doesn't come and I feel I still have loads of grief inside me waiting to be released but can't get an outlet for it. I wish you well in your continued journey without your lovely Caro and hopefully I can soldier on just as well without my Jay. Best Wishes to you.
xx
