Need to vent

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss and I recognise and appreciate your need to acknowledge special dates and anniversaries.  There is no excuse when family and friends don't remember or check in to see how are you are.

While it is upsetting and thoughtless don't let it intrude your thoughts and memories today. 

Maybe tomorrow ask? 

My husband has been gone for 5 years and non of his family have kept in touch. I am so angry and feel so let down but that's on them. I miss and remember his often and try not to give them head space.

Take care of yourself 

Hello Jillybean74

Of course you feel angry and sad.  It is so hurtful when family/friends don’t remember and recognise the pain of our loss and that it is always there.  I had the same with my brother and his wife, yet a close friend sent me some lovely words.

My husband died 14 months ago and I am finding this second year harder than the first.  I used to read your messages and only the other day wondered how you were.

Sending hugs

Hi there, 

I am just in the second year too. Oct 3rd 2022, and onward. It's very hard. Initially so much to do, and a new and in denial. Still in denial now, but more of a horrible reality looming around the corner I prefer not to confront.  I am working but see the only way to get by is to have a mission to connect to others.

I did have some work counselling sessions, around 4, just idea move on but your husband will always be with you, but don't link up with fellow grievers.

In that aspect I don't agree. Going on this website it helps me, and on way up as it is so easy to connect with everyone. 

I look at the glioblastoma site, but when my husband was ill I didn't know about it. Too late now. Many things to regret. Best to think of those times before the illness. 

Bye for now and  to all️

Hi Jillian,  It hasn't been a year yet since my wife died, so haven't had an anniversary yet, though it has amazed me how quickly people move on from the what seemed to be a extensive network of support that we had in the last few months that she was unwell.

My father-in-law has been the biggest prat. I phoned him about a month after my wife died as I hadn't heard from him since a few days after the funerial and he said "gee, I had forgotten to call, as it's not as though we hadn't seen much to you lot over the last few months". (he lives in a different city and my wife was too unwell to travel for the last last 3 months she was alive)

Have you talked with your family about how you feel? I presume you mean siblings. Perhaps they didn't want to in their minds stir things up? Maybe raise it with them?

take care.

Hello Jillian 

As you can see from others, this seems pretty well universal! Unfortunately for us. I have the same with Barry's family. No contact now after his death a year and a half now. My sister calls sometimes, but really doesn't understand the grief we go through, so I don't talk to her about it ? As for friends, some come and some go. The ones that stay are valuable .  It is sad but true. I try to turn things round a bit.

If they don't contact you, it is their problem not yours ? There is fear, guilt in their eyes, not knowing what to say. If so, I don't want them around basically. Not helpful at all and draining too. Negativity is not good for us.

Take care of yourself.

Big hugs 

Hi. 
I’m sure people think by now we should be over it. I did bring it up with my family and they all said (after the fact) that they had remembered but didn’t want to mention it because they didn’t want to upset me. Do they not realise  by now that the  worst thing is pretending that it’s not happening. All it needed was a quick message “think of you and Dave today”. 
I get that unless you’ve been in this grief you can’t understand but surely they have a bit of an inkling. 
Ice wondered about you and a few others too. Not been on here so much lately as I didn’t want the “newly bereaved”to know that it doesn’t really get better- and in some ways gets harder the longer we’re without our loves. 
I have a very full and active life (with five grandchildren and a lot of outings with a walking group I joined but at the end of the day I still want to be coming home to Dave or sharing the experiences with him.

Sending hugs right back to you x x 

Hi Fifinet

How are families so shortsighted. But you’re right. We do not need the negativity. 

In future I’ll be prepared

I am fortunate that I have one very close friend (also Daves niece and was the reason we met) who I talk to most days. 
Occasionally I  hear from my sister - and to be honest that’s probably a good thing because she compares it to her splitting from her latest bloke (if which there has been quite a few). That just makes my blood boil. We’re very different people. I think her answer would be  for me to find someone new. But that’s not what I want. Dave was my one. He can’t be replaced. I know I’m still young (relatively ha ha ) but I honestly think I’m done because no one will ever match up to him. 

Let’s all just keep supporting each other x 

Thank you for you reply. I did mention it to them and they all made out that they did remember but didn’t want to upset me

In future I’ll be more prepared. 

Do families realise how hurtful their lack of contact is sometimes? I’m sorry your husbands haven’t kept in touch. One day they will find themselves in our situation and then will feel terrible about how they’ve treated you.  
Take care of yourself x 

Hi 

I agree with you. The support in this site has sometimes been my saving grace. Knowing that what I’m feeling is normal and that others feel it too. 
I had unresolved bereavement counselling earlier this year and maybe it helped a little- I’m not really sure. It was in zoom and felt a bit weird  and awkward to be honest. 
Im now on a mission to raise awareness of prostate cancer and doing some sponsored walks to raise money for research. I honestly believe that if my Dave had had routine testing ( as women do for breast and cervical cancers ) he would still be with me now. 
Things need to change. 

Take care x 

Hi Kingfisher 

Your father- in -law sounds like an absolute treasure What a ridiculous thing to say. 
Sometimes the anniversaries are hard and sometimes they are happy. On our wedding anniversary in July I had a really good day. Went for a walk in one of our places , ate food we liked and then had a bit of a (drunken) disco in my lounge playing some of our favourite upbeat songs. You just have to take each one as it comes and do whatever you need to to get through he day. 
I have spoken to my family and they did say that they didn’t want to upset me - so I told them that not hearing from them and acknowledging the importance of the day is what upset me. I think it’s shocked them that I said anything as I never confront anything /anyone. They’ll know that for me to have said something I was really upset. 
Take care