Recently, my counsellor has suggested I may need in depth counselling sessions as I may have complicated grief. It has been 39 weeks since Ian passed away only seven weeks after his diagnosis.
I have yet to develop any sense of routine to my existence and just take each day as it comes. Ian died on June 18th but it just seems like yesterday and everything is how he left it. Like a lot of people on here, I feel I have no home now and spend my time away with family if I can.
I just can’t seem to accept what has happened and all I can think of is that this time last year the cancer was silently invading Ian’s body and he knew nothing about it.
I think that 39 weeks is still just a short time after nearly 40 years together and that I’m still grieving ‘normally’ for me if there even is such a thing.
Take care everyone,
x Julie
Hello Julie
I don’t know what complicated grief is, I am at 8 months and much of what you say is true for me, I have hardly changed anything in our Home, only what has been absolutely necessary. Linda’s walking sticks still rest against the wall, The bathroom, which was hers, is untouched, the towel still hangs where she last used it. I have given to family some of her keepsakes, but some things I just can’t bear to move. As with others on here, often my grief is overwhelming, but Imjust keep going on, living one day at a time, I use the word ‘living’ but really it’s existing.
I get the odd times when my anxiety and depression leave me for a brief interval. Today my youngest Son came round for dinner and I cooked roast for us. Was all frozen and easy really, but the anxiety was immense, as it is with anything I have to do, but today was actually a good day, first one for such a long time. He’s round tomorrow, having chilli con carne. I decided we should do this at least once a month, will help me enormously, so fingers crossed that works out.
I have just emailed Cruse, MacMillan and CBT ( Cognitive behavioural therapy ) for support, I also have the option of grief counselling with my local hospice. Maybe one of these will help me manage better and ease my suffering, even if only a little.
as many have said on this forum, there is no answer, we all have to do what’s right for us, I finally think maybe it’s time for me to get some help, other than medication.
keep safe and well
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
