Awake again

Sleep deprivation has been used as a means of torture, so being over tired is going to drag us into places that we don't want to go. Worse still lie in bed and beat ourselves up about things that we cannot change.  I have found at this point I have two options, go downstairs and do something that will tire me out - clean the kitchen cupboards of fingerprints, or a bit of dusting, Or option two is to lie in bed and read a book that I have read before - TCP/IP networking, or British Electrical standards will do it, if you can get to the second chapter without falling asleep you are better than me.

Option three is always putting your feelings into words, it will bring tears, but it's far better than bottling them up, here at least here are people who understand that carrying on is like wading through mud, that often there are walls to be climbed, and that it's alright to want to just sit down have a cry and catch your breath, metaphorically I am with you now sitting against the wall with a fag in one hand and a mug of tea in the other, lets catch our breath and then plod on.

Why should it be easier after only 9 months? it's certainly not easier for me after 8 months, if anything it feels as if it's getting worse.  I suspect that what is happening is that we are having short periods that aren't quiet as bad, where we are distracted by the mundane things in life, then the grief that has been a constant in our lives for months floods back and hits us like a sledgehammer.

The wading through mud thing has just brought memories of our Holiday in Australia, we stepped off a boat an onto the sandy beach (Airlie beach?) and I sank to my knee in soft white sand, Gill nearly weed herself laughing at me. Happy memories that have brought a flood of tears - is this wrong, I don't know, but I'll take the tears as long as the memories can keep me thinking back to the fun times that we had.

Double post

Hello there, I hope today finds you well and having a good day. I wanted to thank you for the last message. I don’t think I understand how to navigate this site properly as I only just saw the message on my emails. On the site it just says double post and I can’t see what that is! Yes must be lost in the ether. Thank you for your kind words. Not sure I can find a book on electrical standards but am sure I have some equally boring one on the shelf! Take care.