Listened to hubbys voice today

Square one is a very precious place. It is where my husband of 34 years said goodbye 2 years ago. I keep moving sideways. I have partied and laughed and smelled the spring of cut grass. I have welcomed my new granddaughter and mourned the loss of my mother and shortly after my father. I am so very lonely and listening to recordings of my husband and his voice is both wonderful and dreadful. I think I will always be there at square one. And that’s ok. I wish you love and peace and the joy of the smell of cut grass in spring. Keep listening to his voice. Every day is a day you have done well. Lots of love 

I too have been doing ok. It is the second anniversary of his death today. That was fine until I have now caught covid and stuck in the house. I never spend a day in the house all day! I haven't in many years. It is driving me nuts and made me tearful now. I just can't handle it. 

I am wondering if I could go for a drive alone. I find driving relaxing and this I am driving me nuts. 

My mum hasn't helped by being argumentative with me over the phone. 

Love to all Alison xxx

What an awful time for you to have caught Covid. The very time when you need to be able to do what you “need” to get you through the days. I hope you managed to get through the day and I hope that you can talk to someone who will support you (other than on here where are all supporting each other) Is there someone you can FaceTime so that you feel less isolated  

Im still in the early days, having only lost Dave on 9th October, so I'm still doing the “firsts”.  I know people are trying to help but I find I'm getting annoyed at being constantly asked how I am. I know that’s unreasonable as people are concerned but I just want to shout “I lost the love of my life just weeks ago - how do you think I am ?” 

How long do you have left to isolate? I won’t say stay strong as that’s another thing that annoys me when people say it to me but just keep going. Each day survived is another  crossed off until you can get back out there. 
Take care and know that any time you need it there is support here 

Love jillian 

Hello

thats how it is, like a see saw, I get exactly the same, am going through a ‘managing’ period at the moment, but feel on the edge of a precipice, just one thing can send me bawling. I have a few short videos of Linda, opening Christmas presents and when she went for a walk along the beach, it’s so absolutely lovely hearing her voice, even if it does make me cry. I found a DVD of her Church Confirmation in 2011, she didn’t talk, but could see her being confirmed and walking back after with her lit candle, was so magical, half expected her to look up and talk to me.

we must treasure these memories, they are so vitally important 

keep safe and well

Hi,our house phone rang the other day which is very rare and the answer phone picked it up ,and Lynne had recorded the message and it shocked me hearing her voice, it was so lovely and so sad at the same time to hear her I was completely numb,then I broke down but i really loved hearing her, the only other recording of Lynne I have is the hospital meetings I recorded on my phone because we could never take in what was said or we would forget because it was so hard, but I can't bring myself to listen to them it is so heartbreaking   best wishes terry 

Hi Arthur

I am so happy for you that you have found some comfort in watching videos of your Linda, even if tears flowed, and it’s  good to hear that you’re managing a little better, I hope it continues. 

 I do have many videos of Mart and so many happy memories but I can’t look at them, not yet, just the thought of seeing him, laughing and smiling, I feel  yet more disbelief that I’ll never see or touch him again. Maybe in time.

You take care….,.Linda 

Thank you Jillian. 

I have another 5;days to go! My two children now have negative lateral fliws so that is good! I went for a drive in the hills alone with my windows down. The fresh air felt good and I was not near anyone. So I don't think I hared anyone and it helped me a lot. 

I spoke to my dad yesterday, he understood and was the only one who acknowledged the date! It was great to be understood so after a good cry I was ok. 

My mum phoned late morning today because I hadn't phoned her to check she was ok. She only has an arthritic hip, yes I get her pain, having had one done and listed for my second which will now be delayed because of covid until March, she is not unwell!!! All she did was moan at me until I made my excuses. There is no acknowledgment and no how are you. I don't feel majorily I'll, more stuffy, headache and tired but ...... 

Anyway on ward and upward. I won't give in but staying strong at the moment is a bit hard! 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Thank you for your kind words.  i have listened again and it’s so lovely to hear but hurts as he’s not with me.

I sent onto our best friend and she really appreciated as sometimes I forget she is grieving too, she knew Rob almost as long as me and being his boss for many years he spent a lot of time with her at work. 

Oh Terry, that’s must have thrown you, being so unexpected but I glad you have a recording on your answer machine that you can now record on your phone, so you can listen wherever you are.

We also used to record telephone consultations, for the same reason, I know I can’t listen to them anytime soon. 

You take care…..Linda

Hi, I've had this too.  The answer message on my phone is Nic's voice which is strong and just like him.

I also have recordings on his phone that he took of his meetings with the stoma nurse after the bowel surgery about the foods that he could and couldn't eat.  I can hear the fear in his voice which is heartbreaking.  Just a couple of months before that we didn’t know he had cancer let alone what would happen over the next two years.

At least I have those things to listen to when I need to feel him around me.

Felicity x