Christmas meltdown

What a year Lost 6 family members including my mum and husband, 2022 is going be a challenge too keeps me awake at night,iv got to find a job,do i stay in our home or move on start again i just can't cope with these big decisions I want someone to tell me what to do is anyone else having these problems 

Hi Jayne,

In a way I'm fortunate that I retired early in Oct 2020. Sharon & I sat down and planned the far flung lands we wanted to see (cruising) while we still could. Sadly never managed any of it thanks first to covid then Sharon's cancer. 

However yes I too struggle pretty well daily with almost any decisions. Since I lost me darling Sharon my confidence has hit rock bottom, because I don't have my Sharon to talk things over with. I'm very thankful for my older brother who has, & continues to be my rock, and so has frequently made decisions for me. He played a major role helping sort financial matters, jobs around the house, and encouraging me to try do things during the day.

I know I need to try and take back some responsibility, and get some type of routine in my life. However, each day I miss my soulmate more & more and it's like I just can't build any drive in myself. If I'm honest at some point each day I find myself asking is there any point in carrying on, I've lost my one true love, and on top of that we have to struggle through each day, and in some way make decisions - why ?? 

I now find myself staying up late (it's now 2.30am), take a sleeping tablet and so sleep in until gone10.30 or later if I'm lucky !

Hopefully Jayne 2022 will bring you some positivity that will help you.

Best Wishes,

Paul x

hi, I understand your point about somebody tell me what to do, I tried that and got conflicting insights which didn’t help.

Im going back to work on a contract 3 days a week from Jan 4th, I think it will be good for me as it will give me something to do focus on.  I have found a new home and hopefully will move in in March, it’s brand new so hopefully will have no issues for a few years with maintenance (last property was grade 2 listed and we called it the money pit).

The house where I am is rented (we had already sold our last house) we moved in in June, only had bad memories as Rob was ill here and then died in August,  I have no good memories here.

My advice? do what is best for you, it took me a couple of months to decide my future and now and then I think am I doing the right thing but on balance for me moving forward now is the right thing to do.

Take care 

Hi, I can  understand some of how you’re feeling. Mart and I shared nearly 50 years and I’m finding it  hard. We also had such plans, but now everything has lost its meaning. I also think ‘what’s the point’

Our daughter and granddaughter, lived with us after her divorce and as much as I love them, they’re not Mart. I try, particularly around my 5 year old granddaughter but It’s an effort, they’re also grieving and I don’t want to add to it. They both need my support, mostly with childcare, so I can’t just leave.

Mart’s brother and his wife have proven disappointing, I’d hoped they would support our 2 girls but there’s barely any contact since he got Covid around the funeral, hey ho, such is life. 

I know I have to think about my future, but I don’t know what to do or what I want to do. I could volunteer somewhere, oh, I don’t know, I feel isolated and alone and hope sometime soon I’ll feel more positive. 

All my best…..Linda

HiPaul,

I totally understand, until recently I didn’t go to bed till 2am, sometimes later, and set my phone to do not disturb till 1130, I usually manage to sleep till 1030am sometimes as late as 1115am, but still struggle to get out of bed, just can’t motivate myself to sit in the lounge, on my own for another pointless lonely day. My Linda had a very strict cleaning routine, I tried countless times to get her to relax some of them, but she was insistent. Routine toilets dusting vacuuming was every Monday and Friday. I was happy to do this, as it made her so happy that our home was clean. But since being in my own, I decided Monday jobs would be enough, but unfortunately I even struggle with that. I look around and think “ that’s good enough just for me” Today is housework day, so will make an effort with the essentials, hopefully. Need do a little shopping, but usually I try to put it off till ‘ tomorrow’ I haven’t bothered getting dressed in the day since Linda left me. I just wear pants and a T shirt, and now the colder weather is here, my warm dressing gown, I only get ‘ dressed’ if I have to go out for any reason, family have accepted this now and are ok with it.

Without my family support I really don’t know where I’d be, plus the Citalopram keeps me just stable enough to cope.

But I am just existing, not living. Even when I was Linda’s full time carer, we still had a life we shared, we couldn’t do the things we used to, but that really didn’t matter, we had each other and that was perfectly enough. Very morning I knew she would be there, even though we didn’t sleep together for the past 2 years, due to her I’ll health, we still had an amazing loving relationship. I so miss seeing her every morning, even her daily routines, medications etc.wasn’t boring, everything was out of  our love for each other. 

I can’t see a future for me, other than the occasional family visit, event. I just hope that’s enough, although I don’t really have much choice. At 68, I doubt if romance will enter my life again, although I do miss the affection and warmth of a loving partner, just don’t see it happening.

Sorry this isn’t a cheery post, but don’t feel like that, and haven’t for the past 5 months.

keep safe and well

Hey Alison,

Yes I think unfortunately my dad has the same diagnosis. At first we thought it might "only" be Parkinsons (which would have been bad enough) but over the last number of months he has developed all the symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia. I guess what I am finding particularly difficult at the moment is to watch him suffer when he realises that he has forgotten to do something or to use certain words. For example, yesterday evening he undressed in the living-room ahead of my mum and me and didn't hold on to the table, lost his balance and fell, and then said in frustration, "I just cannot remember that I should hold on to something!" My mum, until very recently, used to get annoyed with him saying, "Why can't you remember?!" But she has stopped that now thankfully after I and my brother told her often enough that this would only lead to rows and conflict. It's so hard to watch my parents go through this especially because they have no close friends nearby and are, if my brother or I are not here, mostly on their own. Too much for my mum and too much for my dad as well.

Anyway, enough of that.

I hope that COVID will leave your household very soon and that everyone will make a speady recovery.

Lots of love, Mel.