I haven’t posted for a while but I have been reading all your comments.
6 months ago, Ian died suddenly and unexpectedly only 7 weeks after his initial diagnosis. At first the grief was so raw that I cried several times a day, every day. Now I’m finding the tears do not come so frequently but the grief has turned into a profound sense of loss, loneliness and sadness. It feels deeper and much more painful in a way that I can’t really put into words.
I find myself continually thinking of the way Ian’s future was so cruelly and quickly taken from him, leaving me in a kind of living ‘limbo’ with no future to plan or look forward to. I have no family or close friends near by but the thought of moving is just out of the question at the moment. Everything is just as Ian left it although my house is not a home anymore and I try to spend most of my time away from it.
Close family have been very supportive but already I feel as if I am losing my identity as a person. I am now the mum, grandma, sister or aunty that has nowhere else to go ……With Ian I was part of a couple with their own identity and plans but now all of that has gone for ever, leaving me as just the shell of the person I used to be.
June,
you are right animals are special they have a sense something has changed, my cat has wanted more cuddles and lap time with me and I’m always happy to oblige 
Tracey xx
Hello
I can totally understand and relate to what you say. Your last paragraph is particularly pertinent it’s exactly how I feel. Just don’t feel whole anymore. Linda and I were so close, true soulmates, there wasn’t anything we wouldn’t do for each other, often we knew what the other was about to say, we had such a strong bond to each other. I guess this is what makes this so terribly painful, don’t want this ‘new reality’ one little bit. I am not in the dark place I was a few months ago, but feel that I am existing just for others, it’s not really living. I just can’t even imagine what my future will be. Just muddling on with routines. I do believe it’s only family that’s kept me sane. My first Great Granddaughter is due in January, certainly a time for happiness and celebration, but even that will bring me sadness, Linda was so excited about being a Great Grandma
keep safe
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
