Marking time

Hello Amanda278

Today is your wedding anniversary, cancer cannot take the love you both had for each other.

I feel your pain, it is a week today my beautiful wife passed away after a 12 year fight.

Keep in your heart all the good times you had together, talk with the staff at the hospice, they will try to help ease the pain.

You are not alone, it feel`s that way but many will understand where you are at this point.

Try and take each day one at a time, live for the moment, try not to worry about minor problem`s.

I hope this help`s

I am so sorry for your loss.

This is the worse time, it does get better and you do move forward a little bit at a time. I personally kept busy, it helped me not to overthink. You will go through all the emotions, love, guilt, sadness, hate etc, that is all what we do. 

Anniversaries and little triggers will make you remember, sometimes good things and sometimes bad things. 

You have no children, that can be a blessing as you say you have to put no shows up but I have to say I was glad to have to keep going. I hope you have someone to go to for a hug. It helps a bit. And to chat. I found here a great place to talk as you knew nobody as such but then you sort of did. 

You will get there in your own time in your own way, wherever there is! 

Take care of yourself, you will need some strength.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

It was my husband’s funeral 6 days ago, I feel like I’m getting worse, all the stuff that needed doing is done, nothing to plan, just empty lonely space.
I have my daughter and granddaughter living with me, so I have to be here for them, they’ve lost enough.
I try to fill my time with stuff around the house, I have no interest or desire in anything outside. I don’t know how it’s going to get easier but I guess 1 step at a time. 
Take care xx

I wrote this at c3am last night/this morning but the post disappeared…

Thank you Debbiesbear. I know a week is nothing. And you had such a long fight. My husband’s was 2.75 years and that felt exhausting - 12 years seems unimaginable.

Whilst I wouldn’t want anyone else to be suffering in the middle of the night, it feels less lonely to know there’s someone else out there. Thank you 

Thank you for your words of reassurance Akela. I don’t know how anyone does this - but I guess it’s because there’s no choice. People keep telling me I’m ‘brave’ but I would so love not to have to be. 

Hi Amanda278

We and the other member`s are on a very difficult road, the pain at times is raw and the tear`s contain a little more salt just to make your eyes sting a little more.

You walk around a supermarket and think what would we both have for dinner, a double bed is huge when it contains only one.

The 12 year fight was full of good times and many happy memories were built, my wife celebrated her birthday on 12th October and our anniversary was 6th July, these days will always be special to me.

Walk with pride and a smile in your heart at the good times you had.

Try and stay strong.

John.

Hi Amanda278,

I have very recently lost my husband 16/10/21 & like you have no children, the first week I felt was very busy sorting out financial stuff but the 2nd week I had nothing organised as spent most of these days sobbing with no one to talk to I felt dreadful, I know Craig would not want me to be like this so now each day I try to have something to do which includes social interaction I have also slept better when I have had fresh air and exercise but also don’t have the energy to do anything other than walking.

I have at times felt as though my heart was actually aching as I sobbed, I haven’t been able to recognise myself emotionally on some days describing myself as an alien but on the whole this has passed, I still cry daily but I’m grateful my husband passed quickly only 4 weeks after diagnosis, he was at home with me, he didn’t endure months of awful treatment and he looked like my husband had always looked at the end. I’m going to see him again tomorrow at the undertakers ahead of his funeral on Monday.

I have also found it comforting looking at photographs and reliving some wonderful memories in my mind.

Take the offers of support from people such as a cooked meal - it does help and the company is always welcome.

sending hugs 

Tracey xx

Thank you Tracey. I certainly recognise the very physical side of heartache - it’s definitely not a concept, but a real pain.

You sound admirably self disciplined in trying your best to deal with this terrible situation. 

I too am seeing my husband for the last time at the undertakers tomorrow. Although his funeral is a week Tuesday. I simultaneously dread and long for it. Let me know how it goes for you. 

Hello Amanda, people tell me I’m brave, I certainly don’t feel it most of the time, they wouldn’t say that in my view if they saw me when I’m on my own sobbing my heart out as I miss Rob so much and can’t see my life without him.

All I can say about coping is that we have to, just take 1 day at. time, lean on good friends and family and only do what you want to do.

Rob died 12 weeks ago on Saturday, the pain hasn’t lessened but at least I’m accepting he isn’t coming back, I try to fill my days as much as possible but the nights are the loneliest, I don’t have friends who live nearby to go and have a meal or something with.  I’m not great at driving at night so anything after 4.30 is a struggle.

I guess what we all suffer with is ‘firsts’, you have just had your first wedding anniversary without your soul mate, but you have survived.  

My counsellor says, be kind to yourself and take things at your pace.

We are here for you.

Glenis 

Hello Amanda, It’s been 21 months since my lovely wife Lynn passed away from Uterus cancer.   I visited Lynn in the chapel of rest every day she was there for an hour or two just to be in her company, for me this helped me prepare for the funeral.   My thoughts are with you.  Peter