Brought his ashed home

Don't be sorry, this is the right place to talk about everything you're going through among people who truly get it, because we're all in this.

Someone was talking about the PTSD of fixating on the last moments and the last days weeks months and struggling to remember the life before sickness. When Juliette passed away in August last year (you're exactly me a year ago), I had a phase around now when I would spend lots of time looking at old photos videos because I needed to remember all this to somehow give less importance to the slow downfall of the year before her passing. It was about feeling grateful to have met the woman of my life and have been that lucky for 20 odd years.

Hopefully your clients will be patient. I know mine have been. Work is a good way to distract yourself and get out of the numbness, but people have to understand that some things are more important than work in your life and this is precisely a moment where you need to come first.

Take it easy if you can, don't hesitate to rely on friends and family. They are often more willing to help than we think because it helps them grieve as well to be there for you.

This is not a straight path, but eventually things will get slowly easier as you adjust. For now it's still very early, one step at a time, one day at a time. Acknowledge every feeling you have, pain and joy, it's all part of the process.

Big hugs

Take care xx

I’m sorry to say that I absolutely recognise what you describe. Its been 6 weeks since losing my husband and I collected his ashes yesterday on our wedding anniversary.   To be honest up until this week I thought I had made steps forward and I had a few better days but this week I can’t keep the thoughts and images away.   Like you I would not have chosen any other way than to care for all he needed and honoured that I got to do that for him but it doesn’t stop the questions creeping in my head and the guilt sometimes.   I too don’t want to be a burden to our friends but im finding that they will be there as much as i need them. They too will be treading a path of not wanting to smother you and trying to give you space so try not to be afraid to reach out for support. It amazing the power of company and a cuppa can have.   

If there is anything that you can put down or pass to some else, do it. Give yourself as much space and time as you can to look after you.

 To be honest, I was a bit overwhelmed by the weight of my husbands ashes (I was expecting them to be light) I’m not sure what to do with him yet but I’m also going to give that time, for now I’m comforted that he is home and like you I will continue to light his candle.

Be kind to yourself and take care xx