Another new member

Hi Steve. I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your wife Lorraine, it is such a difficult and confusing time for you. I don’t write much on here now , but I saw your post and thought I had to reply to it. My darling wife Winnie died of melanoma, just over 2 years ago. Age 68. The feelings you have are quite normal ( maybe not the right word ). No motivation, can’t eat, can’t sleep , can’t concentrate on anything. Believe me Steve those things do get a little easier given time. I was nearly 12 months before I started doing things again. The thing I find the hardest, even after 26 months, is the loneliness. That never seems to leave , I have 3 adult children, and they have been fantastic, but as you know it is not the same. What you say about the house is so true as well, the emptiness and quietness is overwhelming. There is no joy in the house anymore. . Given time you will remember the good and happy times you had with Lorraine, and the bad memories will fade. I am sorry to say this Steve , but it’s a shit journey we are on , but our loved ones would want us to carry on somehow. Take care of yourself , and rest when you can. Feel free to PM me if you want. Mike. 

Hi Steve

I am sorry you have had to join this group. i would not wish it in any one.

Mike is right, it is not easy, i am coming up for two years, start of October, and my husband had the same cancer as your wife, it was horrendous, in the end.

You never forget them, but for me they are going further away and i think of the good times we had, and giggle to my   self.

The loneliest  for a lot is the worst, that never goes not for me anyway.

I have done nothing over the last two years, though today the first time i made a decision  the first time in our long married on my own.

Have emptied a bedroom and took a wardrobe apart first time ever, and i am going to decorate, those things was always Tom's, i fill quiet good that  i have made a start, he would be proud of me.

This group really helps i would not have got this far with out it, unless you have experienced  the lose of your other half, no one truly understands what it is like.

Even my grown up children do not understand, it was there dad, a different kind of grieve,

I felt lost, id not know who i was with out him, cut in half. though time had eased those thought.

One day at a time that's how i got threw it, and tried to keep busy so i was not thinking to much.

Please use this group everyone understands, how you are feeling.

Take Care Ellie x

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Thanks Mike and Ellie,

I gave myself some jobs to do today but I've found myself just looking through photo's and thinking about things. The grief from losing a partner is different, my mother was 53 when she dies from leukemia but the void and emptiness and sadness feel overwhelming losing a partner. We were lucky to have 38 years of happy marriage but I now feel i'm not complete. Thanks for your messages, and equally I wish you all the best in your journeys.

Steve.

Hi Steve,

Welcoming new members into this group is not something any of us like doing. We would so much rather that no one ever had to join this group again. 

I can't say much beyond what the others have said. I will say that in time the horror of the disease and treatment will take a back seat to the memories of what made Lorraine the love of your life. In the meantime, just be kind to yourself and realise that everything you feel is because you were blessed with a wonderful wife with whom you shared a wonderful life. I know I have to remind myself almost daily that the pain of loss is because I loved so deeply. I'd rather have the pain now if not feeling it meant that I never experienced the love.

Hugs,

Martha

hello Steve, I can relate to everything g you have said.  Rob died just over 4 weeks ago and his funeral was also on Friday.  My 22 year old is too young to have lost her dad. From posts I have read, it’s too soon to get past the last few weeks if somebodies life and see them as they were before they were ill.

I’m taking it one day at a time and making sure that I do something positive everyday.  Today I took the car in as a warning came up, turns out there was a nail in the tyre, Rob would have dealt with that.

Lean on your friends, mine have been amazing and we talk every day, it can be a quick hello or an hours chat about how I feel and trying to remember the good times.

Take care

Glenis

Thanks Martha and Glenis,

I appreciate the advice, motivation is zero and today, I found a journal/diary where Lorraine had written her thoughts and fears, It was all a bit too raw emotionally to read without floods of tears.

Steve