Death of my husband

Hi Salliz

So sorry that you are feeling low - I also lost my husband in April after a 2 mth diagnosis - I feel I am also still crying and very low, it is so lonely without him and I'm missing him every day - I am meeting a counsellor today for the first time, don't know if it will help but will give it a try - feeling uptight about it but hopefully things go okay. Take care.

I think nature provides a kind of numbness for the first six months or year or so. Then, as you say, it hits and it hits hard. It's been nearly three years for me and I still find there are days I want to just find some sort of escape from the sorrow. Life offers some happiness but I miss him as much today as I ever did...

All that being said, what you are going through now is normal and part of the grieving process. Try to ride the waves of anguish. There will be better days...

Martha

• Martha i totally agree with what you said about the numbness ,my hubby passed 1 year ago and iv been coping not to bad up to now but this last few weeks seems to have hit me hard, im not sleeping well and have anxiety a lot of the time lately,im thinking of having some councilling to see if it helps ,i think its just going to take time i spose.its good to now im not on my own tho and peopleon this group know exactly how im feeling   Sue

Hello Sue,

Definitely recognise the numbness. I also am feeling that I’m struggling more as the first anniversary of losing Chris approaches next month. I just feel so incredibly sad and the dark evenings are just soooooo very long. I don’t feel I noticed them last year but I’ve wondered whether that was part of the numbness of the early days and weeks. Now I’m having to fight the feeling that this is how it is for me now. I don’t want to sound the pathetic needy one to my wonderful friends so feel that it’s here that people will understand how I’m feeling. Your post certainly offers me some comfort, so thank you.

Sending hugs

Jane

xx

Sue, the sadness can definitely sneak up on you. The biggest problem I have is the complete lack of energy or the desire to do anything. Apparently referred to as stagnation depression. Need to figure out how to get past that...

It was a year for me in August thought i woukd be feeling bit better by now but its not the case , some days are better than others i spose, i try to keepbusy but its the evenings/nights when im on my own that are the worst, i know what you mean about winter and when its dark at teatime but im sure wel get thro it best we can, ,thinking of you  Sue

Hi Martha,

I don't know but I feel the only way to get past it is to force yourself to do one of the things you are currently not doing anymore and to do it until you get some energy back. You know, sometimes we don't seem to have the will to do anything and feel we don't have the energy to do it until we actually force ourselves to do it and then, once we are doing it again, the energy comes back. For example, when I didn't feel the willingness or the ability to go to the park on my own I one day started to force myself: I went to the park every single day, no matter what the weather was, and after a couple of days I felt better about myself and the walks and I was then actually looking forward to my walks. Sometimes getting started is the worst thing; and once you have started it is easier again to do things. Feeling better doesn't come from the outside, it comes through our own effort.

Lots of love

Mel