WHAT I'VE LEARNED

Hi Geoff999. I just dropped by and noticed you've not had a reply to your post as yet. By my answering your post will be "bumped up" to the top of the threads so I hope someone else in the group answers.

I do agree with your sentiment, hugs, B xx

Thank you MrsBJH x

Hi Geoff,

I hope you find more time for reflection and remembering and less of the where did I fail. But the two options are are what I’ve been battling with the last few months. X 

Hi Geoff,

I do the same thing, reflect on what I did right and what I did that may have fallen short of the mark. But I try to remind myself that he loved me as much as I loved and still love him. We were lucky we found each other. Our life together was joyful and full of fun and adventure. As time has passed (it's been nearly three years now), the feelings of having failed are softer that they were. I am grateful for that.. As far as another love, I consider myself still married to my husband. I am still his wife and will be until the day I die. No one would be able to make me feel the happiness he did and I'm not going to waste any time thinking that love will come again. No one would be able to make me feel as complete as he did. I experienced such a complete love with Chris, why would I ever seek another?

As you say, we all experience bereavement in a unique way. What works for one person may not be right for another. For me, this is what works. 

Martha

Hello

I do ask myself where I failed, and am angry with myself for all the times I upset my Linda and even made her cry. But I can’t undo that and it’s self destructive. I am trying hard to concentrate on the good memories the times we laughed and loved and made all our plans, how ever small.

It’s only been a month yesterday since I lost my Linda, so the pain is still very raw. But I am trying so hard to accept my new reality, one that I never ever wanted, but I have to face. I had an amazing life with my Wife, so many adventures, we were each other’s soulmates and I will love her for all eternity.

take care, I wish you the very best

keith

Like wise my wife was/is the love of my life and is totally irreplaceable 18 months on I still feel married wear my wedding ring.  Tears have arrived.

Jebel

I find it difficult to even talk about my Linda without tears. Accidentally came across some ( 15 ) videos of my Wife during Christmas birthdays & family visits, was so lovely seeing her smile a,d laugh and hearing her voice, bit so much more difficult than looking at photos, but at the same time so amazing reliving the memories I had almost forgotten. We used Google drives to store family photos video. I have created several folders of Linda, Our holidays, Trips with family, family visits & Her early years. All the family home or abroad can now view photos and video whenever they wish. Linda had strong religious beliefs and in 2016 went to Israel on a pilgrimage with her church. She talked me out of going, saying it would be very religion based and I wouldn’t enjoy it, plus it was around £2000 each. I now wish I had been stronger and gone with her, she had such an amazing time, I could only share it with her via the photos taken and her recollection, again I can’t change the past. But I encourage anyone that has such an opportunity to grab it with both hands. We did have many holidays in the UK which were awesome, we loved the same things and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company 

best wishes

That’s lovely setting up all of Linda’s videos so the family can view them, great idea.   Funny enough talking of Israel Lynn and I loved going to the Middle East since we don’t drink alcohol, hence Jebel Ali Port which we used to pass.  Pictures of Lynn do give me comfort, I talk to them often.  Take care.  Peter 

Thanks

the picture video sharing idea has really helped the family

take care

Hi Martha,

As per usual, I agree with you one-hundred percent.

It's a little more than three years for me. At the start of this journey I was constantly thinking about what I had done, or might have done, wrong and why and I used to go through moments of terrible guilt. But over time the feelings have softened, like you say, and I can now see that I wasn't a particularly bad person or treated my husband particularly badly, no, I was loving most of the time and of course sometimes I was not so nice but that is normal, this is true for all of us, nobody is always loving and caring, we all have our moments, our "bad habits", something with which we drive each other mad. I really feel there is no point in going over all of that again and again as it is almost like artificially holding on to something that, ultimately, cannot be changed. Why not just say: We loved each other, over all we were good together, and, like every other couple, we had arguments and conflicts too. That to me seems a healthy approach.

Lots of love

Mel