Devastated

Hello there,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes. The pain is so raw. And of course you cannot imagine a life without him right now because it is such early days for you and everything happen so quickly in the end.

It is so lovely that he wanted the two of you to get married. And the gift of the ring is such a beautiful one. What a beautiful thing to do for you!

He will be forever in your heart.

When I lost my Paul three years ago, I was so devastated and I couldn't imagine my life without him, nor did I want to. There were times when I really and truly didn't want to go on. But somehow I remained alive, I lived through those first very hard months, and very slowly I learned to smile again, first at the little thing, then at the bigger things, and today I feel that I miss him every single day of my life but that I can move forward as well - and that Paul has made me into the person I am today.

Please be kind to yourself. And I think you can take a little comfort from the fact that you were all with him when he died, he was surrounded by his loving family, which is so important and precious.

I am glad you have joined this forum because here people understand. It is a space to share how we feel and to be listened to by people who are going through a very similar situation with compassionate care.

Lots of love

Mel

Hi Ktc63

Mel puts things into words very well. 

I too feel your complete sadness. You’ve been through a traumatic time which in itself is so very difficult to get through. Then all the grief of loss. Just don’t put any pressure on yourself just think and feel all that you need to!

Its so good you’ve reached out on here. We all try to help because we all understand. You don’t have to always contribute to a thread, just reading can help. 

I believe that you guys were married in your hearts (it’s plain to see with how much you’re grieving) sadly I’ve discovered that the depth of grief mirrors that of the depth of love we have with our partner so for all of us on here that’s very very deep and why we need to reach out! 

Its 13 weeks today since I lost the love of my life who was 52 when he died. I only got seven years with him but they were the best most fulfilling seven years of my life. I often now wonder why God/the universe brought us together pretty late in life where we were so thankful & grateful every day that we ‘did’ find each other...only for us to be so brutally parted seven years on. It’s like some nasty game. 

However I know in time I’ll be grateful I did have that love, even if for too short a time. I know David is now so much within me, part of me so deep that he’ll never be truly gone while I still live and breathe. 

I have found counselling through a cancer charity helpful. It’s definitely worth trying. Having a place to go and literally break your heart for the hour has been helping me! Crying helps us release some of the pain. Nothing takes it away I’m afraid these are all just coping strategies to get us to a point where grief sits beside us rather than engulfing us. 

Do keep reaching out. Xx

Hello MyPineapple and all on this thread,

I love the way you said in your post that David has become so much a part of you, is so much in you, that he will never ever be truly gone. I feel like that with Paul too. I sometimes find myself saying things that I know he would have said, doing things in exactly the way he would do them, and sometimes friends who knew him as well say to me that they see similarities between us like me being a bit like him in some ways. I always find that really beautiful. Paul used to say to me that he didn' know what legacy "someone like him" - somebody not very important - could leave behind. And I love to feel that he left a legacy. And he is continuing to live through me. I am now living for the two of us, that's what it feels like. 

Lots of love

Mel