Bad day

Hello Ruddy. I’m now just short of thirteen weeks since my husband died and like your husband - he hasn’t left. My beloved is everywhere, he’s there 24 hours a day, he is by my side always. I know this because he loved me and so he’d never leave me. True his physical self isn’t here but his spirit (or whatever) is with me always. I get so terribly down without him but I let him help me back up just as he did before.  We were never blessed with children so it’s just me and our old dog. I do cry everyday but I’m also finding some things make me smile and a couple of times I even laughed. I wish you well Ruddy and my advice is always to take care of you as it’s what your husband would want you to do. Much love. June x

Hi June

Thank you so much for your reply, it means so much that there are other people hurting as well - I think the long wait for the funeral didn't help me - my son wants me to visit but feel I'm not ready to as I feel some comfort at home - thank youx

Hi Ruddy

i feel the same as you. The funeral was last Tuesday. All family and friends left and I felt so alone too. There are days I don’t want to get up and life seems so meaningless but I try and remember the love I have had and the good times. I’m experiencing such a wide range of emotions and feel that life is currently really surreal - and I don’t like it! The person who did comfort me can’t.  I find grief is like waves - it comes, overwhelms and recedes. I cling onto the hope I will learn to live with this change ....but it is very challenging. I also know my partner would want me to try and keep going because he loved me as much as I love him. So I try to do that for him - I just take one step at a time and allow myself to express the emotions I feel. 

Five weeks for me. Still can’t believe I will never see my husband again. Trying to keep busy and get out everyday. So hard seeing couples out together. No one to share a lifetime of memories with anymore. I have good friends and family but it’s not the same. Comforting knowing others are surviving this. 

Hi Mary

it is difficult when I see other couples - miss having my hand held by the warm hand that fits, being hugged by the arms that fit and having a kiss from the lips I miss most. We’re all on the same, hard journey. We may feel alone but we’re all walking out there hidden by a mist. At least I can hear all your voices to remind me I’m not alone out there- much love to all of you making this walk XX 

Hello Ruddy and all that have commented.

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss.

It’s 14 weeks since my soulmate and best friend passed and I totally get what you’re all saying. We all share a common bond and I wish with all of my heart that we didn’t. But like so many people on this forum I’m so pleased that I can read your stories, I know they’re predominantly sad stories but I can relate to nearly everyone of them, and it makes me realise that I’m not alone and who’s feeling this much sadness, and this gives me a little bit of comfort and solace and also hope, because I know there are individuals on the forum that do learn to live with their sadness and learn to cope, and these stories give me hope that one day I may have a future without my loved one, because I know thats what she’d want for me and I know its what each one of your soulmates would want for you ladies too, and thats what I hope for us all.

I do hope we all find peace one day, Ian x

Hello all

For me today marks 31 weeks since I lost Chris, 217 days, the worst days I have ever had. Some days are less bad, but others are still painful and hurt so much. He is, as others have said, all round me in the beautiful garden he created and the home he lovingly decorated and maintained for me. But in other ways the gap he’s left is huge and I am at times swamped by the overwhelming sadness of that. I still shed tears every day- sometimes quiet tears and other times i sob like I did endlessly in those early days. But I’ve accepted that it’s almost what I need to do, even if I can hear him pleading with me not to cry. I tell him I’m trying but....
This site has become so important to me- sharing my rambling thoughts knowing that I won’t be judged and reading the posts of others, knowing that I’m not alone. 
Be kind to yourself, take things at a pace that suits you, don’t let others tell you what you should be doing or feeling. 
Sending hugs

Jane

xx

Jane,

Your words perfectly sum up how I feel too, the only difference is; the number of days since their passing differs, and instead of a garden and house that your wonderful husband Chris lovingly decorated and maintained for you, my beautiful wife Marie lovingly created a ‘nest’ for me that is my home that she beautifully designed and dressed every room in the house knowing I wouldn’t have her finesse or know how if I had to do it myself, so I sit every day in different rooms and just enjoy them as thats what she’d want me to do.

Like you I cry inwardly but mostly outwardly every single day and the loss that we all feel on this forum is just quite simply indescribable, and I pray that one day that this sadness that we all feel changes and we can somehow try and live again which is what our soulmates would want us to do.

Sending you a virtual hug and the hope that one day we all find peace.

Ian x