How do you carry on?

My husband also tried so hard to stay and it’s very hard and so upsetting when you think of what they had to endure  

Hi Butterfky6 

I’m getting counselling and it does help a little. I’d certainly give it a go. 
xx

I’m not sure that this answers your question but it’s something a friend of mine wrote to me. She too lost her husband a few years back. 

No words can take away the pain, it’s like a huge stone with sharp edges inside. Sometimes it’s hard even to breathe. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, as long as it takes to put little pieces back together. The sharp edges do smooth but the stone is always there.

Hugs

Jane

xx

Hi everyone,

I am a lot further on, Ric died 18 months ago. The early days were kept busy, that has always been my coping mechanism. Works for some, not others.

I then went through his kids being nasty and after anything they could get. So I blocked them! 

I got through the loneliness of covid with grief but still kept busy. 

I have now moved further forward and I have someone else to care for me. He is kind and considerate, something that Ric was not always. My family also helped both practically (I have fantastic new decking built for me by Dad this week) and emotionally. I have a relationship back with my mum which Ric did destroy. My own children have always been a huge support. 

But my inspiration was often Mel with her phrase about moving forward bit by bit and that is what I have done. The early days do seem hard but we are strong people and we do it. 

I think positive nowadays and live my own life as we all know life is too short to be unhappy. Do what you have always wanted to do, however big or small! 

Keep smiling, there is something good in every day, even if it is only the birds singing, always makes me smile.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

I wish I could say I knew. It's been just over two and a half years since I lost my precious Chris and I still struggle each and every day. Some days are easier than others, but I feel the loss constantly. I don't think there is an answer. I think when we lose someone we loved so completely and unconditionally, the pain is simply going to be there. We just have to learn to live with it. I try to remember, when I'm really hurting and crying, that I am hurting and crying because I was blessed with an incredible love from someone who meant everything to me. I was lucky, even if, in the end, I had to suffer the pain of losing my beloved. Just as Chris was to me, your late husband will always be in death what he was in life. Your world, your soulmate, your best friend. And I try to remember that Chris is still with me, just not in a form I can see or touch. But I can feel him, always, just out of reach. I can almost see him, again, just out of my sight. And I know that he misses me as much as I miss him. And I know that someday, we will be reunited in whatever form we take after death. I know that and that brings me comfort.

Hi Martha,

What a beautiful and heart-felt post. It brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same about Paul: Just as Chris was to me, Paul will be in death what he was in life. my world, my soulmate, my best friend. And even though my life has a lot of things in it today which I am very grateful for - my loving family, loving friends, beautiful connections like with you people on here, work that I love, etc. - Paul is missing so much in my world.

Love Mel

Hi MarthaGM

I lost my husband last August after 47 years , and yes the pain is always with me, your post is beautiful,  and your ending words  I carry your heart we me is exactly how I feel, so true, love is eternal. Thank you .

Hello Butterfly 

its 11 weeks now since I lost my lovely Julia, my wife of 59 years and I feel exactly the same as you, lost and in pain. I am so lucky that my daughter lives with me and helps keep me sane as well as active in looking after the garden that Julia loved so much. We live every day one at a time and try not to feel guilty when we see something funny that Julia would have loved, and then ending up weeping, but I still think she will come back through the door in a minute, or I will find her next to me in the morning. I am sure this doesn’t help you, but it does help me just putting words down….

take care if you can…

Colin

Thank you all so much for your replies. They have been such a help.

I am so very sorry for all of your losses. There are no words to describe the unbearable pain and gapping holes of losing our beloved partners  

I have contacted a few counsellors but most seem to have very long waiting lists!

We always used to say that we worked together and needed each other to be whole because we completed each other. I will carry my husband in my heart and my soul always. He is in everything I do. But I will always be broken until we meet again…

I wish you all strength and love ️