Sharing

Hello Allison

Thank you for your thoughts which mirror mine although my beloved and I travelled the cancer journey for three years knowing all along it was incurable. He died on the 15th February.

I too feel sad for all we have lost, our plans, our future really. I have questioned why I’m her this last few weeks. What’s the point of me without him? Yet I am finding tiny little things each day that show me why I’m here be it a chirruping robin in the tree, our little old (very old) dog breathing by my side, our great nephew aged nine asking me to teach him Spanish etc etc. 

It’s difficult to explain how tired I am but I am learning to be very kind to myself and expecting this to continue. I am having counselling with the hospice, practising meditation and i liste to the Calm app every night. 

Allison I send you my love and a virtual hug. It is a long  journey we are taking but with help from others I’m sure we’ll be OK and my beloved and your David will be so proud of us.

June xx

Thank you so much June.

A virtual hug right back to you. 
xx 

Hi Allison,

Thank you for sharing with all of us on here how you have been getting on.

Nine weeks is not long. It's still early days for you.

What you have discovered sounds really interesting and makes a lot of sense to me. I think that often our psyche does that thing where it concentrates on some facts very hard in order to not let other, more painful, more frightening, more devastating facts come through. So, for example, maybe it is only now during this past week that you are actually physically, emotionally and mentally able to feel the depth of the pain as you are feeling it now but before it would have been too much for you. Especially because everything happened so quickly for you I think your system naturally takes a lot of time to adjust or whatever you would call it - adjust is really not the right word but I hope you know what I mean.

You seem to be doing a lot of things to try and get through this time which is really great.

I wish you good luck with the workshop on Friday.

Love

Mel

Hi Mel 

Thank you. 
I think all the sadness & pain with the trauma and the grief is interlinked really but it’s just my way of seeing things over these past 9weeks. 

I think my initial pain was the trauma and utter disbelief of how it played out so fast. I’m still in disbelief but the full weight of my sadness at David being gone from this physical life is now hitting me as well. I thought it already was but it’s sinking deeper in and leaving me so terribly sad! A small word for such a deep sorrow but it does sum things up. I’m desperately sad. 
I’m still trying to reach a better place and I do so hope I, and all of us on here reach it but for now it’s living with the sadness. 
xx 

Thanks Allison,

Not sure i have any words, but want you to know I am here, reading and feelings your words, which are ringing true.

I have had a similar experience today, if I feel up to it later I will start a new thread with my bad sad day.

Today I have hit rock bottom, they say you need to hit the bottom and then the only way is up, I will get there.

But in summary I reflect I have been kidding myself I doing ok, maybe I was, tomorrow I will be pursuing counselling.

Love

Donna

Hey Donna

Im so glad you’re going to pursue counselling it can’t make things worse, it’s worth a try. 

I’m so sorry you’re having a bad day and feel you’ve hit rock bottom. I’ve been crying today since I woke. 

We know we have no words for each other to magic the pain away but having a place like this with each other I’m so grateful for. 

Sending you a massive virtual hug and as much strength as I can! 

xx

Hello Allison and Donna, and anyone else having a particularly bad day.

I can’t say anything that will make it better but I share your pain and sadness. It’s been 28 weeks today for me and I can honestly say that I have shed tears every day. I have always been a bit of a crier, moved to tears by the most ridiculous things sometimes which used to make Chris smile. But the overwhelming feeling of sadness I’ve felt since I lost him is at times unbearable. But I’m going with the belief that it’s better out than in. I cry less than in the early weeks, so that’s got to be a positive. Small steps. 

So be kind to yourselves, take care and do whatever is right for you.

Sending hugs and strength 

Jane

xx

Thank you Jane! 

Im like you, someone moved to tears by the most ridiculous of things and like Chris, David used to smile at me for it. “You’re a sweet soul Allison” he would say! ️

xx 

Hi Allison, and to all that have similar issues and have shared your thoughts and comments on this thread.

Thanks for sharing your very sad but moving story about your beloved David. Your story mirrors mine and just like your experience with David, Marie’s decline was rapid and although I thank god that she didn’t suffer for too long as she died on Valentine’s Day, I just find the whole experience a surreal one. I still expect her to be in the house when I return home for any reason, and I also expect her to be walking through the door at any moment when I’m in the house.

And like you, I just can’t accept shes no longer here nor will I ever see her again. I talk to her every day about everything and I’m in the middle of selling my house at the moment and instead of being excited about it, I’ve found the whole experience so empty without her, and for that matter I find every other single experience empty at the moment too. 

I agree with all of your sentiments, and as I have said to you before I whole heartedly agree that we all need to live again but as you say when that will happen......who knows, but all I know is out of respect for our loved ones we have to try.

And although you, me and so many of these lovely souls cry every single day for the loss of our loved ones as our grief at times is simply unbearable, it has to be better than bottling it all up as we need to address our grief now and not months down the line as that wouldn’t do us any good at all.

As I said to Donna earlier, we are your friends on this site and there are so many beautiful souls on this forum that would be only too happy to help you through these unbearably sad days, as these sad days happen to us all on this forum.

God bless and sending you a virtual hug and I do hope we all find peace one day, Ian x