Grief

I’m sorry for your loss Ruddy. 

Those of us on here fully understand we’re all grieving and it’s painful. 

Three weeks is no time at all. I’m just over 8 weeks and the pain is still so very hard. 

There are no magic words (we all long for some) but do look after yourself because you won’t feel like it but you need to, for your husband at least. It’s why I get up & still breathe in and out each day; for him! 

I read the messages a lot but not always say anything as that’s ok too but know we are all here for each other to get even just the smallest amount of comfort from a message back to say- we get it! 

Sending you (and all) the strength we need xx 

Thank you for your response - so sorry for your loss - I still haven't had his funeral as he has to have a post mortem which doesn't happen until mid play so that's not helping - it's just everything seems so unreal and unbelievable.

I meant mid May

I am so sorry to hear this. Grieving is how we cope; how we attempt to come to grips with the reality of loss. Grieving has stages and it is normal and natural - even healthy - to undergo each of them. Grieving is bitter, stinging, empty. We were so filled to the brim and then... life seems so perilous. Yet, in some inexplicable manner, those tears are washing away the worst of the pain. They are cathartic, like a spiritual salve applied to a wound.

Time and tears are indeed good healers, but once the grief fades to numbness, we may find that we can allow ourselves to re-enter life and accept the mourning which inevitably follows. I see grieving more as dealing with the shock, while mourning is sensing the loss. And while grief can and does dissipate, how can we not be mournful? Loss is loss, and yet I think it edifying to focus on what we have gained from those years with our loved ones. 

We are forever changed but, I think, far better off than if we had never known them. We can summon up that warmth in our hearts that fond reminiscences bring, when the time is right. Indeed, when we need to.    

Hi Ruddy, 

I’m also very sorry for your loss, and I agree with the comments that have already been posted on this thread. It’s 11 weeks on Sunday for me and its all just “Red raw” in terms of time and this grieving process really can’t be hurried as it will come back to bite us hard if we try to take a “Short cut” through the process.

We all really do understand your loss on this forum and the sheer sadness that we all feel is just unbearable, and what I’m very good at now is CRYING  and I often wonder if that will ever change.

So to answer my own question, I do hope it will, as I don’t want to feel this much pain and sadness for the rest of my life and I know our soulmates definitely wouldn’t want this for us either. But for now and for the foreseeable future we just have to endure this pain and sadness until we feel like we need to start to live again but in a different way to what we used to do when our best friends were in our life. And if we decide we are not ready or simply just don’t want to embark on this new journey then we won’t as this is our personal journey that we all have to make for ourselves.

I do hope we all find peace one day, Ian x