Deleted.

It wasn't weird to feel what you felt. You probably related the hospital visit with your hubby's appointments and stays.  I took a friend to our local hospital where Colin spent far too much time and the apprehension was horrible!! 

I hope your wrist is getting better after your fall J S Bach Addict, x

Curious about what was deleted 

Yeah.  I thought I read your original post.  It’s gone.

I felt embarrassed. But better from Bootsy’s response. I had to go into hospital and felt Mark’s presence extraordinarily powerfully as I walked to the X-ray ( I’d fallen over, and was afraid I had broken bones in my hand...luckily only bruised so I have no excuse for my poor piano playing ).   It was both extremely disturbing, and also a reminder of how very very much I miss him.  But I’m not a ghost believer...maybe I should be? 

Flashbacks are funny/not funny haha things. Like I said earlier the hospital was familiar to you in other ways and I read your profile, 1 year coming up for you too, that will be playing on your mind - nothing at all to be embarrassed about- it's raw emotion we all feel xxx

I love to listen to piano music, I don't play myself but wish I could. X

Stay safe J S Bach addict xx

It has been less than 2 weeks that I was in hospital saying  good bye to Neil but I no that if i have to step foot in a hospital again all I would remember it the countless tests and results we had to go there for what made it worst was only the last 24hrs that i was able to go in with him the rest of the time i had to just leave him at the door and let a porter take him to his appointment it is not a good memory but a hospital will always make me think of him 

Thanks Bootsy.  Glad you are there. You are right..one year from diagnosis, it was not great timing to find myself heading for X-ray. This is a tough path that us bereavers tread. So many emotions, and so many experiences that are so out of our ordinary way of thinking that sometimes it’s hard to know who we are. I would never EVER have expected that I would experience such a real seeming flashback, nor a couple of months back,  poisonously corrosive rage ( now cooled...I found counselling really helped with that) and not panic attacks either. If I can find a project to concentrate on then I do still feel like “me”. But quite often I find it too hard to settle and can’t get started. Still...eldest son left his room in a vile mess ( he had difficulty arranging how to get to the N of Sweden to start his Masters course )..and today I have made grand progress. Modelling art gear in boxes...tick. Camping gear that was unpacked at the last minute...offf the bed...into a box. Tick. .  I have managed to hoover the floor. Progress.  It all helps.  
Rose

Hello Kate. That sounds really grim, for both of you. If it helps...I find that the first time I go somewhere ( or do something)  that I used to go with Mark...yes, very upsetting. But the next time...it isn’t so bad.  Best wishes. Rose 

I see you have deleted your original post or at least this is what it looks like to me. That is sad because, even though your experience felt disturbing to you, I don't think it is at all weird or strange. I have no strong belief system but try to keep an open mind to everything. So I can't say that I definitely believe in ghosts or spirits. But if I had any experience like the one you describe, I would think it to be really interesting and I would be curious about it and, hey, maybe his spirit was really with you especially because you were feeling scared and probably a plea needed some support.

I think anger /rage lasts so long,  within me anyway, my patience levels are pretty low with the covidiots about shopping when they should be at home  not out buying Christmas gifts in case lockdown goes on much longer and they can't get out!!! Grrr!!! LOL!!

I listened to some  J S Bach on Youtube the other night...I liked it  x