Unforgivable Guilt.

Hello Geoff - you have written it down and shared it. a 50 year marriage counts for a lot and Anne forgave you for a couple of things which were less important than you are or were.  You have have trusted us on the forum with this, so thank you. Shows that you have done exactly what she said - being sorry and taken responsibility  and I hope that you can get some self forgiveness too. I am sure you are not alone in having 'hauntings' or things that we regret.  best wishes and hope today can feel a little lighter, at least for a moment or two. 

Dear Nellie, Thank you so much for your empathic reply. No one can ever judge me harder than I do myself. I'm still in tears at the loss of my soul mate 15 months ago.

Geoff

Hi Geoff 

I will admit I nearly had a affair once Geoff I full a guilt she knew their was something wrong with me I told her laid on her lap and cried my eye out but are marriage got stronger 

then everything went wrong she got ill we said we would always stay together we are all with you in the dark place called grief  

don’t give up Geoff she stayed with because she loved you we are all here for you 

take care 

Martin 

Hi Geoff

Please forgive yourself as your beautiful Ann did. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes.

Ric once gave me a black eye. I was furious, he was upset but he was drunk. Not an excuse! He didn't really forgive himself! 

I never had an affair but I did think about it once in my first marriage. No I never did it but ... I could have. It wasn't because I never loved him but I enjoyed the attention and it is nice for someone to fancy you,

You are a good man 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Thanks everyone for your understanding replies.

Yes ALLISON I was drunk when I slapped Anne. Its no excuse I know.

MARTIN my friend. I didnt have an affair. It was when  our kids were young and I needed female affection but poor Anne was tired and worn out looking after the kids.  I succumbed to temptation from this other woman and of course it led to sex. After seeing her only three times I put a stop to it. WHY?  Because she wasn't my Anne. And I couldn't show any loving emotion. For me it became simply  a carnal act. I learnt my lesson and never strayed again. 

Love and Light Geoff xx

So Geof no reason to still be beating yourself up then. 

I was always faithful to both husbands and never slept with anyone else. No this does not make me special. Because I did the other day and felt guilty in some ways to Ric's memory bit then again I had a need. It was crap. I wonder why maybe because it wasn't right but it taught me a valuable lesson and at the end of the day we sometimes just need affection and physical contact. That is not wrong  as you say you learnt from it and had many liovng and valuable years with Anne and perhaps you actually appreciated her more. 

I slapped Ric back, that was not right either and I didn't like myself for that! It was not me.

Time to remember all the good times and forget the bad! You are not an awful man but a caring loving man who loved his wife dearly.

Love and hugs Alison xxx