Will it get easier and how do i cope?

You didn't ramble and it wouldn't matter even if you did.

You've had a lot to cope with so is no surprise that you're struggling.

I'm not really coping either and have no solutions.

Just wanted to say you aren't alone.

Hugs

Thank you wildcat. 

I just never know which way to turn or what's around the corner.

Dear Joey71,

You are not rambling and, even if you did, that's absolutely fine. This forum is for sharing with those who understand.

You have had to deal with a lot of loss. And you have had to cope with so many ups and downs as well: the shocking diagnosis of cancer that had already spread to the liver, the hope that the Chemo would work, the constant anxiety that it wouldn't work, the devastating news that it hadnÄt worked, and the wedding - it was so sweet of him to ask you wasn't it? 

I lost my husband after a 15-year long brave fight with prostate cancer. We had been together for 9 years and had been married for two when we heard that his cancer had spread to his liver and Chemo in the hope that the tumors would shrink was the only thing they could ofer us. Unfortunately, 9 months later Paul had to stop Chemo as we developed the flew and pneumonia. He died six weeks later.

It was in May of 2018.

At first I elt numb, then I had a time when I cried a lot and the tiniest little thing could set me off. Today, almost two years after his death, most of my days are okay. Sometimes I can even be happy for moments or hours or even a whole day. But it is not the same happiness and not even the same okayness that I know from the times when we were together. I miss him very much every single day. I feel I have moved forward with my life because I had to and a part of me wanted to as well.

Weill it get easier? Well, I don't know. I think there are always times when we feel we can't cope and when the feelings of sadness and grief are so strong that they get us really down. And maybe you are in such a situation right now. I guess things will improve for a while and then, out of the blue, we feel bad again.

Take your time and be patient with yourself. As the Buddhist saying goes and as I teach my meditation students: Let every emotion come and go like the waves of the ocean. Sometimes the sea is rough and sometimes the waves of emotions are only small.

You will have better days again.

It pisses me off too when people say, "You are so young. Who knows? Maybe you find a new love soon." They mean well, but what they don't understand, maybe don't want to believe, is that Paul was my soulmate and my best friend and I will never find anyone like him, well, I wouldn't even want to because what Paul and I had was so very special. I think people think that they can encourage us in this way. But it is not really an encouragement for those of us who don't want to find someone new and who don't feel ready to even think that way.

Mind yourself. And keep sharing here. We are always here to listen.

Mel.

Hi Joey,

i seem to cope with things in a very similar way, I’m 9 months in and just feel alone, and that I know I was lucky enough to have love and give love for 16 wonderful, and colourful years but it’s not enough. He was stolen from us, we didn’t get a chance to get our heads around what was happening before it was all too late. I think that’s the thing with cancer, it steals whoever it wants and there is nothing any of us can do to stop it. I am struggling to heal from where I feel he was torn away. 

I wish you all the luck in the world finding your way through x

Big hugs to you x