MY THOUGHTS ON WHAT I'VE READ

Oh, Akela...it just shows how ignorant and heartless comments of some people could be. And the sad thing is that they're not even aware of it, they think they're being nice or helpful, even trying to cheer you up. It is just so wrong and I can only imagine how upset you must have felt when that lady said this to you.

Which makes me think that there is so little education or awareness about the grief and bereavement, and what it does to one's mind and body. Of course, for those who haven't experienced the loss first hand is hard to understand. Most people don't want to understand or think about it. And perhaps they are right, why should they?. But considering that everyone  will eventually lose someone they deeply love, there should be more talk, more awareness and more education about the grieving process and how to support bereaved people.

The government, some health professionals,admin people threat death as an event which simply happened and subsequently requires a paperwork. I experienced my very first panic attack collecting a death certificate. I ended up in a room with young happy couples, obviously registering their intent to marry, people with little babies.They made me sit there for ages and I felt horrible but it was all part of the same job for those admin guys. A complete lack of any compassion or empathy. 

Dalia xx

Hi Akela, I know exactly what you are saying there, and yes it gets me biting my lip sometimes when people say " your still young enough to meet someone else" I am a 45 year old widower and very upset about losing the ONE and ONLY love of my life. I for one will never Love anyone else the way I LOVED Tina.  You just go the way you want to and take NO notice of what people say.

God Bless

John

Hi Ian 

My sweet heart has a collection of her dressing gowns still hanging from the bedroom door. When I'm really feeling low I hug them and imagine its Anne. 

Love and Light 

Geoff

I sometimes when I am really down spray a little scent on her pillow to remind me when I'm in bed

Ian, I also spray the pillows with her perfume.

It's one we bought together during the last months of her life when I took her abroad on our last holiday before she became to I'll. It reminds me of those happy weeks we had together.

Gary

Hi Ian and Gary 

hi have Winnie’s perfume as well and spray it on her pillow as well. It does bring a bit of comfort. 
Mike

Auds favorite purfume was Charlie 

I spray it like you would an air freshener all round the house. Xxx

My wife was a stickler for moisturising morning and night and it reaped benefits as she had beautiful skin. Before I go to bed I often take a little of her favourite unguent and rub it into the back of my hand. The smell is so evocative of her and it warms my soul. We just do what we can don’t we in an effort to capture our loved ones essence and smell is a massive part of that. 

I know I should not have let it get to me but it did! I had a couple of down days but feel abit better today! Been busy at work..I have booked myself a week of annual leave, when it would be Ric's birthday as my brother's 50th will be the same day! I may go away for a couple of days and give myself a break! Just sort of need it. 

At the moment I feel we have been cheated out of those last few months! I know it significantly reduced his suffering but he missed his bucket list! My thoughts are whirling! I know it is early days. 

As Mel says keep moving forward, however slowly! Xx

Hello Akela, it was my wife’s birthday New Year’s Day and I went to London for a few days, the change of scenery definitely helped. First thing out of the suitcase was a photo of Sharon duly put on ‘her side’ of the bed and one of her favourite t-shirts ,which I spray with her perfume and put under under her pillow. So I felt she was with me. It’s good to read there are people doing similar.

Getting back to the point, the break did me good, in the evening it was sad saying goodnight to Sharon but during the day I was just another tourist traveling round London doing touristy things, no sympathy expected, none given. I kind of needed that mentally so it did help.

All the best, Dennis