1st Christmas ,,but is it wrong.

Nan nan

Please don't waste energy on feeling guilty. 

You had spoken to your husband about your life after and he wanted you live a happy life. You have been lucky to find a friend who is making you happy, I think that's fantastic.

You will never forget your past Christmas's but are now able to make new memories.

I've no advice to offer other than wish you all the best.

Thank-you so much Ruby Diamond,i know i will always look back on our  past christmas:s shared, and other memories, maybe in a way ime feeling scared of celebrating with someone new in my life, i too love Christmas ,and after the sad 1 had last year i want this 1 to be special, best thing i can do is focus on the following weeks in the run up to  Christmas day, at the back of my mind hubby will be there in spirit, and hopefully be happy for me , all the best to you also x

It's natural to feel guilty but you've absolutely no need to. 

It's going to be different for both of you but I hope that you can  enjoy it.

Bless you Wildcat, im sorry for your loss too,it is hard at times, but people say life goes on, it still hits me at times that my Husband is no longer here,its coming up to the 12 month mark, dont know how i will feel that day,probably a day of mixed emotions, i will have that sad day on 1 half of my mind, and the run up to Christmas on the other, i will never forget the love that we shared,and the memories we made, i still have that swings and roundabout moment,especially when im alone ,worse part of day is the evening, and now the early dark nights are here its worse,i will have to see what next year brings, and hopefully it will be better in a lot of ways,take care, hugs to you x.

Hi to you all

 I am struggling, I have had an invite to a birthday party in early January. My problem is it many of our joint friends will be attending but my darling passed away in January & all of these couple friends have not been in contact with me since the funeral . So how can  I go  all alone I will burst into tears & they will be so uncomfortable I do feel so unhappy that none of them have ever bothered about me since & before my husband died just goes to show you think they are friends but when the s...t hits the fan you find out. Sorry about this outburst but very very unhappy . 

I have replied to the invitation but not said why but I know they will understand that I can't go alone but why am I so worried ? It's just a bit tough that you think you have friends but not really. 

Take care thinking of you all. X

Hello JoJo, I’ve come to the conclusion that some people simply don’t know how to be around bereaved people like us. It’s not their fault but I guess they will have to face it at some point, when it’s their own bereavement. Nevertheless it’s extremely hurtful when people you thought cared don’t keep in touch. I think not going to this party comes under the heading of being kind to yourself, which is really important. Just do things and see people who make you feel good and don’t waste energy on the others. If it makes you feel better tell them how hurt you are by their behaviour. I did this myself recently with a family member. I felt good for being assertive. 
Look after yourself x 

I completely agree with Ruby Diamond and wish you happiness x

I also lost my husband this January and with the help of the private counsellor, I am getting through it with her help, I still cry and miss him so so much. 

The one thing I realized was to be honest with my friends, I said to them in the beginning that I resented that they still had someone, I also now understand that life goes on for them and if I am truthful I may have done the same as them, under the circumstances, I would hope not but I just do not know? I am lucky that they have all been very understanding. 

I would let the people know why you are not coming I am sure they will be very supportive.

I went on holiday by myself to California this month and felt I did well, only in the evening did I find it emotional sitting there by myself.  Great time but in the end you have to come back to reality.

Bill daughters and myself have decided that we are not going to celebrate this year as it would have been Bill doing the cooking as he always did, also he was in hospital December and January in the ICU so not good memories, which are still with me even now. 

I hope this helps in a small way.

Love

Lesley x