Perhaps a weired post ? A bit down to earth maybe?

I totally get where you're coming from and I'm not about to say you're wrong. I've no idea what I'd do if I were to be diagnosed myself.

Dear Geoff,

I totally get where you are coming from. My husband was only 64 and accepted his pending death with grace.

He was given a couple of months when diagnosed in summer 2018 and refused chemotherapy. This was an informed decision as there was no cure, only prolonging his life and suffering (using my husband's words).

We read up a lot and at that stage of his cancer there was an arguement that a palliative approach i.e. managing symptoms could give him potentially longer. He managed to live another 6 months that were filled with a lot of happy memories. He died peacefully on 16 December.

The alternative may have given him a few months more; most likely with suffering or am earlier death with toxic treatment. No one really knows!

The oncologists wanted offered chemo. We had to do a lot of research and ended up writing an email saying how can you expect us to make an informed decision. That was my biggest gripe with the NHS at the time, the lack of infomation, offering treatment without discussing the implications or the willingness to discuss death. Something that comes to us all. 

Being referred to a hospice sooner meant we had support  almost immediately which I very thankful for.

I appreciate everyone has a different outlook, depending on age, stage of cancer etc but what you are saying makes sense to me.

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Dear Dutsie 

How I agree with you about the lack of information given by the NHS - and in my case our MacMillan nurse - who was at the hospital during my Anne's stay before she passed away. I do understand that doctors and consultants feel their job is to make every effort to save -  or in too many cases perhaps ? -  simply prolong life at all costs,  even though they must know the suffering their patients will go through regarding surgery and chemo. My darling wanted to pass away at home but I could clearly see she wasn't fit for transportation from the hospital back to our home. In my view it would have caused her undue suffering and even possible death on the journey. So I asked the MacMillan nurse to given me her professional,  as well as her 'off the record' view point. It was totally frustrating. She kept skating around the subject and was waffling on giving the pro's and con's in a politically correct way to the stage where I said OK obviously I've got to make an UNINFORMED DECISION  myself! !  Was she frightened of litigation if she gave a view point  which if I followed might cause her to be sued in the future? I've no idea. So I told her in my UNINFORMED opinion was thag Anne wasn't fit for transportation home. Her reply. "You've made the right decision .......But wait for it " ..... FOR YOU " I just walked away totally pissed off. To conclude. Later towards Anne's passing she said to me , " I had a feeling I wouldn't be going home my love. I'm glad now I didnt as everyone is here to look after me 24hrs a day." 

Love and Light 

Geoff.

I know how you feel Geoff my wife was in the Macmillan ward I had to go for my radiotherapy when I came back she was in critical care for pain relief when I asked what was happening after having to wait in a room for 4hours no one seemed to want to commit to anything that was the Friday night when I got there in the Saturday she was wired up to all sorts of things and I spent a lot of time being sent to the waiting room  for some reason I called it the naughty room 6out of the 10hours I was there no one would commit to any answers again  I was sent home as I was getting agitated Sunday I arrived at 5.30 am to find my wife  in agony they were just going to carry in I asked my wife if she wanted to continue she squeezed my finger to say no after getting hold of the specialist he then said he knew she wouldn't last the day but they wanted to try chemo I had to insist they remove the tubes and let her pass with a little dignity and out of pain he then said it was the best as chemo wouldn't have helped I could never make that choice again  I was in bits after she passed

My good friend Ian.

The NHS doctors, specialists, and surgeons,  to their credit still  have MANY FAULTS.

I suppose they all respnd to trauma in ROBOT MODE  To me its like our loved ones are a simply a challenge to their ability to prove they can save life at all costs. And in their delusionary state of mind they become very much divorced  divorced from the true reality of their actions. For goodness sake!   They are dealing with human beings here!  Not  only their patients but their loved ones who simply want the best:  - even if its to let their loved ones GO!  Something needs to change my very good friend.

Light and Love 

Geoff.