I hoped I wouldn’t find myself here

This is horrible for you.

So many traumatic things happening in such a short space of time. My heart goes out to you. This is all understandable bearing in mind all you've  been through.

You will be completely exhausted and emotions upside down. Doctors will sign you off concentrate on you and your family. 

Leave what is not essential rest and take your time xxx

Thank you wifeof26years, it is nice to know I am not going mad

buddylyn

It's a horrible time but like many here it helps to know others understand and are here to say whatever and however we feel. He's  at peace and the pain is over but there's  empty huge holes and emotions to ride. We're  here for you xxx

This is just so unbearably awful. My husband died 9 weeks ago tomorrow so I am a few weeks further on than you. I still feel some of the things you are describing but not so intensely all the time. You’re not going mad. I read a description of bereavement as like a sinkhole suddenly opens in your life. That idea felt very real to me. The thing that shocked me was that, like you, my husband’s death was expected and I thought I was ready. He’s gone downhill sharply and towards the end I wanted him to die so he could stop suffering. Then when it happened it felt like a body blow out of the blue. 

The thing that has helped me most so far is not fighting against how I feel. If I feel calm and ok I let myself feel that without criticising myself. If I feel devastated and hopeless I let myself feel that. A these feelings come and go and fighting against it just makes things worse I think. 

Good luck with tomorrow. You’re not treading this path alone. 

Buddylyn this is such a very very hard journey and you are definitely not mad. We are all struggling but often differently from each other. We all know there are no words we can use to make it better or take the pain away. Emotions do change as time goes pn

loomk after yourself 

luv and virtual hugs

Jo

xxxxx

I understand your words completely you have put it so well thank you. Xxx

love& hugs 

jojo xxx

Dear Buddylyn, 

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband Stuart. To see him suffer so much & it being so out of control is horrific, & I can identify with a lot of it as my husband had secondaries in the brain, so fits, weakness, unable to walk, confusion & speech issues are all too familiar. 

You are absolutely not going mad. You have been through a traumatic rollercoaster of events with no time to catch your breathe or even examine your own feelings - until now. And now you have grief to deal with too. 

The sleeping thing is so common, I tried very hard not to dread going to sleep although I was shattered, as I had such vivid dreams & relived all the events of my husband’s illness & death whenever I shut my eyes. Others have said similar, it’s all part of processing what has happened & it will make you feel exhausted, but it’s totally normal. I promise although it does take some time, it will pass. 

You have been very busy & that is a bit of a distraction but when the funeral is over there’s a sense of now what? You don’t have to sort anything, clothes, gadgets, anything, unless it feels right to you. I ended up just putting my husband’s belongings in one place go a bit, other people leave them as they were for years. 

I wish things had been different for you. If you can, take a walk today & try to actively notice everyday things, the shapes of the leaves, chimney pots on roofs, again anything that anchors you in the here & now. If you can get out  & give your mind something else to focus on, even if it’s just for 10 minutes it gives your brain a little respite.  It’s worth a try. 

be kind to yourself, there is no rush to sort anything out right now & you have been the best wife & family to your husband, he would be so very proud of you all. You could do no more, take comfort in that.

Sarah x. 

Hi folks,

Anger, sadness, lonliness, these will all surface. I do like the reference to Life of Brian. At my sister-in-laws cremation she organised to go down to the sound of My Boy Lollipop, which has a line, "You set my world on fire", once her children laughed, so did the rest of us.

You have got to try to look after yourself - I'm not a touchy feely guy, but after my wife passed with glioblastoma, I found it REALLY useful to attend some sessions with a counsellor, and then with a Hospice discussion group - that pointed out to me that i wasn't mad, that the feelings were 'normal'. There's nothing normal seeing your partner disappear mentally, physically, and in pain. You do what you can, it's never enough.

Hilary passed Oct 2017, and while things have got easier, it's not easy.

As Sarah said above, try to get out of the house, some walking, etc, if nothing else it's something else to look at.

Hang in there.

Ciaran

You are not going mad it’s a lot to take in such a short space of time focus on yourself and your two wonderful sons

remember the good times and cherish the time and lots of you you still have to be grateful for with your family! He would want that xx