DOES TIME HEAL

Hi Trisia & all,

Yesterday was a big day for me, it was the Hospice Friendship Annual Dinner and after lots of persuasion, I decided to go. I did meet up with a few from the Bereavement Group, but I was on a different table with Befriender & husband which was a shame, but still reasonable. I did panic before I went and managed to get through the day without tears, but at times was very close. To say I relaxed and enjoyed it would be wrong, because it was an ordeal, but pleased I coped.

Once home total exhaustion hit me and I couldn't settle to anything. In bed by 8.30 and emotion took over before I eventually cried myself to sleep. Sorry guys but I'm not a social person and it hit me that now this is my only way of life and it hurts big time, I really miss my husband and want him back. Anyone else on here felt this way after going out?

Now it wasn't quite what I expected and the big thing is that next Monday I am off on a 5 day holiday with nowhere to hide. How on earth am I going to cope? Panic setting in big time. Any tips?

Off to the Bereavement Group this afternoon if I feel well enough. Afraid tummy playing up big time and not sure whether it was the extra fat that I'm not used to, or just pure stress of yesterday. Feel as if I'm taking more steps backwards than forward. Donna x

Oh Donna, well done on actually managing to make that first step. I understand totally what you mean. I am not sure I would have made it.
Who are you going on holiday with? When I went away for the weekend with my family, I took myself off for a walk on my own just so that I could have some time out to think and not be under scrutiny the whole time. It is hard to escape from others though. (I also had my own space at night which is very important for me)
I have been asked to go for a weekend to London with some friends. I have done it very many times in the past but somehow this time I am not sure I really want to go. (mainly because I have no means of escape for the whole weekend).
It is so hard to feel as though you are moving forward. Each time you do, emotional turmoil drags you down and you have to start all over again. If that makes any sense to you.
I hope you went to the Bereavement Group. It sounds as though you need that support.
Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Hello Trisia & all,

Thanks for your encouragement. Yesterday at the Bereavement Group another member was feeling exactly the same way about things as me and another lady had just returned from a short break and said it wasn't as bad as she thought and that coming home to an empty house was the worst thing, but this morning I realise it's another step I have to take. Thankfully today I am feeling more positive again, but that is probably because I have lots of things to do to prepare for Monday.

Trisia, I am going away with a lady originally an aquaintance from work, but since Don's death she is becoming a valued friend. She is about 10 years older than me, but has been the one on the phone helping me through things when no-one else has been ringing. My space is important to me and that is my main worry because we had to share a twin room. Now if I can manage 5 days, then you should be able to manage a weekend away with your friends in London, so try and go for it and we will both compare notes on your return.

I know my outing on Sunday was extremely hard, but I did it and somehow that gives me renewed strength. Must remember to write to you all after I have been on the Sunday and not my first day back and then things may be more positive. Love & hugs Donna x

Donna, i am so glad you have found such a good and valued friend. Friends are so important. I do hope you enjoy your trip. Love and angel hugs x x patricia x x

Peter, I wish you could somehow find some peace. x x

Well Donna I have agreed to go to London with my friends butr am still very apprehensive about it as I need my own space at nightime  when i can't sleep.  Oh well time will tell and maybe by the time we go I will be sleeping better. I can only hope. x x

Love and angel hugs x x patricia x x

Trisia,

Well done on deciding on going to London.  Somehow you will adapt to what goes on, must admit I found being away easier than expected.

Since being at home I've booked another break at Xmas.  I knew if I stayed at home I would be really upset during Xmas because of all memories of Xmas here with my Mother and husband and I didn't want people feeling sorry for me, because I was all alone.  Found bus tour & hotel  I would like to stay at, so decided to phone and see if any single rooms available.  No, but after a phone call to Hotel they let me have a twin room so decision made, I booked this morning.  I know I will panic, but being on my own I can do as much, or as little as I feel like. Trying to  treat it as my Xmas pressie.  Now I can forget about it for a while and know what I will be doing.

Hopefully when you go away you will be so tired with all the extra activities, it will help you sleep.  Take care.  Love Donna

 

Wow donna, I am impressed. If my kids were not expecting me to be here I would be tempted to join you. I am dreading it this year with an extra family member missing. It is just not the same anymore.  My brother-in-law's partner said she is really looking forward to Christmas and I have a feeling she is wanting a big party.  Not what I want to hear at all.

Oh well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

take care and speak soon x x Patricia x x

Hi macpeter,

my grief even coming up to 30 months can be just as intense but the time I feel that intense grief has shrunk considerably. It has been replaced with an acceptance of the loss and gratitude of the good times we had. So I think for me it’s the latter better at copping. 

Hi, It's quite a while since I have posted anything on here and it may be the last.  It is nearly eight years since I lost my husband to oesophageal cancer, and I don't think time does heal, you just learn to live a different life.  I have moved house, bought a new car, both big decisions we would have made together.  I have shouted at him when I couldn't manage to do something on my own, he would always say "leave that, I will sort it". This year I feel I am finally in a place where I can let go and with and our two daughters, are planning to scatter his ashes on the anniversary of his passing, 19 December.

Special hugs to all,

Lynne

Hi all,

I would agree with you in saying that while time doesn't heal, it definitely helps to make the pain more manageable, maybe we get used to a certain kind of pain as well, I don't know. I can definitely say that for me during the three and a half years since I lost my husband I have realised that time doesn't heal me but that I can slowly but surely feel a little better, a little more content, a little more accepting of the fact that things are as they are now and that I still have a life to live and that, even if I don't always want to do it with Paul, he would want me to do it and that is what has kept me going even through the darkest moments.

Lots of love to everyone

Mel