I lost my mum last night to oesophageal cancer.
Everything feels incredibly raw and unreal at the moment. She had been receiving treatment and although we knew her cancer was serious, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for actually losing her.
I wasn’t with her when she died. She was in hospital and called the emergency bell when she became unwell. The team tried to resuscitate her, but sadly they couldn’t save her.
I’m struggling to get my head around the fact that she’s actually gone. I have two young children who have lost their grandma too, and today has been a mixture of trying to support them, telling people and somehow trying to process it myself.
I suppose I’m posting because I don’t really know what I’m meant to do with myself now. For anyone who has been through the very early days of losing their mum or someone incredibly close to them — what helped you get through these first few days? Does the shock and feeling that none of this can possibly be real begin to ease?
Hi Turnipbloom
I am really sorry that you lost your Mum to cancer.
It is very normal to feel a huge range of emotions at a difficult time like this. It is a long time since I lost my own Mum to cancer and I still remember feeling all over the place. I also had a young child and to be honest it was the daily routines of getting up, taking him to school and meal times etc that kept me going.
Like you we knew she was going through cancer treatment and had been admitted to hospital, however we were not really expecting her to go at that time and when she did, I remember travelling home with my father and feeling sort of numb and in shock. First thing I did was pop to the shops to get some things for tea. Everything felt sort of surreal.
As a family we seemed to go through different stages and at different times. I remember feeling angry we had lost her, sadness, depression, worrying about my son and at times pretty numb. I think personally the numb feeling can help a bit in the first few days.
With my son he did have a few days off school and I spoke with his teachers. We felt it better for him to then return to his normal routine and it worked ok. The school did call a couple of times for me to collect him early. I remember reading a book with him called Badgers Parting Gifts that you may like to look out for as your children are young still.
I found Home - Cruse Bereavement Support helpful for resources.
I think the best advice I can give at the moment is just to go with the flow, talk to each other in your family and try to keep a few routines going. Try to eat and drink regularly and sleep when you need to. I found sometimes little things like taking my son out for a walk in the fresh air would help clear my head.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this at the moment and do let us know if we can help in anyway. If talking things through would help, then please do give the Support Line a call.
Jane
