My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in the middle of July, he passed away on the 28th July after developing pneumonia and sepsis.. I miss him so much, but I'm haunted by the image of his last day in the hospital...
He was fine that morning, seemed almost like himself, then the Dr came in and said he had maybe a few days to live and dad just seemed to change.. he said he was tired, tired of fighting and of being in pain.. we had maybe an hour of talking, of me telling him it was OK, that I would be OK and that I wouldn't leave his side. I held his hand and he closed his eyes and said that my mum was there (my mum died 20 years ago when i was still a kid) then he smiled and said he was going to miss me and that was it.. he just seemed to "go"... his hand stopped squeezing mine and he didn't speak or open his eyes again.
I sat holding his hand for the next 15 hours while his body slowed down and eventually took its last breath but that is what is stuck in my head. The image of him laying there, not really him anymore and it hurts so much..
I don't have any family to turn to. I have my husband but he's on the other side of the country with work at the moment.. i just feel so alone 
