Christmas was ok and we celebrated in my beautiful mum's honour and had lots of FUN. Just like she told us to and would have wanted. Of course we missed her more than words can say and we really kept her memory alive.
Now the festives have ended and I'm back home. I literally am dreading the New Year. It's my Mums Birthday on New Years Eve too. I plan to just be in my pjs and chill with my dad and hubby. I really don't want the New Year to come. I don't want a year to start that my beautiful mum won't have lived in. I know it will come and I know I will find inner strength. If this year has taught me anything it's I'm stronger than I ever knew, I cope better than I ever knew. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced. It's werid but I know I can do this because my mum raised me and gave me all these skills. I just wish she was with me. I miss her so much, it still hurts like it was yesterday. Xxx
Hi ladies,
I too have been meaning to write for some time. You have all been in my thoughts. I've often wondered how everyone is coping, trying to meander through these uncertain times, dealing with grief.
The last few months really have been a mixture - I can't even remember when I last sent a message. As you saw, the marathon got moved to October (although it's unlikely it will be this year) I got severe shin splints in January and lost my focus and struggled to run. I felt pretty down and out and realised how much I'd relied on my running as my therapy. I visited Paris for work in February - a nice refreshing change and then went into lockdown in March and this will be my 11 week. It's a real test on your strength. I live on my own but luckily have some very kind and genuine neighbours who I have spoken with most days. Often we're talking about the weather, gardens or what veg I can hand over.
On marathon day (26th April) I did the 2.6 challenge. Not sure if anyone saw any challenges. I wore 26 items of clothing whilst running for 26 minutes in my garden. The piece made it to BBC London news and some local London papers but it got the message out there a bit more about my charity and ovarian cancer. I know mum would have laughed her head off - my sister edited it to Charlie Chaplin music and put an old spin on it. Picture below.
I think about mum most days. I wonder what she would have been like in this pandemic. She ironically stressed about health all the time (despite not noticing ovarian cancer symptoms till too late) I go over moments when she was in the hospital very ill. I think about her humour and how upbeat and energetic she was. I miss her every day. No time makes this easier and I have found the waves of grief in this lockdown hard to manage sometimes.
Emma - I took a photo of the double rainbow. It's so comforting when I see it. I feel my mums love and energy.
Anyway ladies, that's me. Thinking of you all in these difficult times and sending love.
Kate xx
