Ended up back in hospital on the 6th with infection in wound where they took the lymph nodes. was still on antibiotics but had to have 4 x the dose intravenously. It took the Dr 4 attempts the get the venflon in my foot because my arms are out of bounds. I have never experienced pain like it I nearly crushed the bones in Robs hand and nearly bit a hole in the socks that I rolled up and put in my mouth! I guarded that venflon during that stay and luckily it stayed in because I could not have faced having another put in. Each time I have had IV antibiotics my veins and the skin around the site have been so painful. I think that because I get discharged on oral antibioics it staves off cellulitis.
Had to argue with nursing staff who were too busy to give me my antibiotics and who tried to tell me they were three times a day not four. Eventually after telling them that I was in a constant state of worry and they had made it worse I got my dose set up at 20.30 again at 01.30 then at 07,30 before the day staff arrived. I know the ward is busy but what was the point of me being there if they weren't going to carry out the prescribed treatment. My words to the Ward Sister were " if this doesn't work I am up shit creek". The consultant says it is more of a worry with infection when you have implants.
On Monday night I was convinced the wound was starting up again and was so near to ringing the hospital but the thought of having a venflon in again deterred me. so now on top of everything else and despite being a nurse I am developing a fear of hospitals. I still do not think I have heard the last of this wound. we"ll see.......
I am so tired and seem to only feel safe and secure at home in my pjs. I did get up dressed properly yesterday and walked my poor little old (15 yrs) Westie round the park. Was glad to get home. Mum has been having her a lot because she can no longer get up and down stairs or on off the couch and I shouldn't be lifting so much.
I have an appointment to see consultant today to get node results. Of course I want them to be negative but then I have been through this last op and subsequent trouble with the wound for nothing. It had to be done though. The breast care nurse says I shouldn't worry about the delay to chemo which probably won't happen until after Christmas now because my cancer has been removed................why do I need chemotherapy then? My friends ask me that.
My two lovely friends who have nicknames now Patsy and Edina. Can't decide which is which though because they both have a bit of each in them! They make me laugh soooooo much I couldn't do this with out them. They know when I am really upset but putting on a show and they are so concerned about me. That's another reason for the guilt, worrying all your loved ones.
Eloise seems ok she has sorted what she will do for hers dissertation........so relieved for her, it was getting her down. I really need to be well for her she has a hard year ahead and does not need the stress of me being poorly. Hopefully we will have a good time at Christmas.
William is lucky he has Imogen and her family who seemed to have embraced him. He is growing up slowly but getting there. Have to badger him to stay in contact which is I suppose normal behaviour for his age and I should be thankful that I am not causing him too much worry.
I am so proud of both my children they are so different but equally so funny they do make me laugh!
My brothers too have been so supportive this cancer has brought the family closer even though we were all pretty close any way. I love my family.
Rob has had to go away for work today so mum is taking me to the dreaded appointment. He seems to be coping with it all. If I can stay upbeat things are alright. I do get moments when for instance we might be curled up on the sofa ( I can actually sit in different positions now!) when this feeling will rise up in me and thoughts go through my mind about all that has happened..the day I found out the surgeries what my body looks like......I still have trouble taking it all in and believing it has happened to me.
Will I ever really be the same.Will I have a day when I don't think about bloody cancer.
