wishes things could be better

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

27 Oct 2011

Never seem to have anything good to write on here, but just feel some times I have to get
some things out so I don’t feel as bad and alone. It’s my nans 80^th
birthday this weekend having a massive family gathering, mums coming well I say
she is coming….. she just seems to be getting ill all the time, I can’t see her
making it if I am honest as she has been in bed ill for the week. Even if she
comes she won’t enjoy it. She doesn’t seem to enjoy anything anymore can’t remember
the last time I saw her smile……all I seen on her face is pain and suffering and
embarrassment! Mums totally incontinent and in no control of it and its ruling
her life! She won’t even come to my flat coz she embarrassed by it all. Even going
out she is very wary. She won’t enjoy it and I am gonna have to sit there and
watch it all L oh my god I really don’t wanna go. Sitting there watchin her
suffer from pain thinking I don’t know if she is gonna be here for the next
family gathering witch doesn’t happen often, thinking about it for some of the
family it might very well be the last time they see her.

I always thought that when something like
cancer hits a family it brings them closer together. To a certain extent it has
but it hasn’t with me. Mum and me have always been very close through out my
life my mum has always been there. My mum and my best friend I never dreamed
this would happen to mum and she is at a young age it doesn’t seem fair! My connection with mum
appears to be getting weaker in my heart and head it will never change. But I just
struggle so much to see mum now. I don’t
feel I can talk to her like I used to, it kills me inside everytime. I don’t want
her to think I love her any less or that I don’t care. I just don’t know what
to do……..

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Oh, sweetheart ........ I felt so sad and helpless reading your blog, I wish that I could say something to make you feel a bit better. It's a terrible thing to have to watch your Mum go through this but you are still there for her ...... and I'm sure she knows that.

As the patient, I tried to hide a lot of my pain / discomfort from my family as I felt they had been through the mill too - some days I was very bad tempered, indeed, I wondered that they stayed !

Maybe you would find more answers by posting on the carers group and don't forget that you can always talk to a Macmillan Nurse about how you feel. Take care, my thoughts are with you.

Love, Joycee xx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

hi Gooseberry

Just wanted to send some love and hugs just be there for your mum it good your writing stuff down even if it not good some time it does help

I do hope your Mum gets to your Nans birthday

love to you

love Janice xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Gooseberry

Darling I know it must seem like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and to a certain extent you have.

If I were you I would have a real heart to heart talk to your Mam. Ask her if she really wants to go to 'the do' and if she says no then accept that. If she is forced to go to an event she doesn't feel capable of handling then it's not fair to 'jolly' her into it just to make the rest of the family feel better.

It's really hard caring for someone in so much trauma and I can't begin to imagine the emotions you are going through with it being your Mam. I'm sure she knows you love her and that she in turn loves you and appreciates all that you are trying to do for her.

Stay strong hunni, we are all here for you and you can moan to us any time you like.

Much love,

Nin xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi honey, just wanted to send you a virtual hug. I've been where you are, the family gathering when we and they knew my dad only had weeks and d'you know what? It was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting! The family and friends were fabulous, acted completely normally but without pretending it wasn't going on. I was so grateful to them for not treating him like a freak. Your family could well surprise you in just the same way, hopefully they will and they'll put your mum at ease. She might even enjoy it! Stay strong, you sound to be doing a grand job, all the best, Vikki x
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Gooseberry,

Wise words from Nin. Its not going to be easy. But if you want to talk there is always someone here to listen. We will give you all the support comfort and help we can. Remember one thing you are not alone on this site. Look after yourself and your Mum.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx
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