Just received diagnosis on Friday past. (21/10/2022). Socked and stunned.
Tech talk — squamous cancer T1-N1-M0. P16 positive.
location — back of tongue.
7:51
I keep falling asleep. Cat woke me up at 7 so he’s been fed and is lying down in front o me. I’m tired and my eyes keep closing but there’s stuff to do and I need to be awake.
I’m starving and trying to think about what I can have to eat.
Best thing that happened this weekend by a thousand miles is the horsy hug I received from Damzell yesterday. She literally put her head on my shoulder and leaned into me for a good few minutes. It was as if she knew that this was exactly what I needed.
The list of things to get done this week is long and daunting. Kitchen needs cleaning, gotta call dr to figure out meds for the next while — I’m due a refill on citralopram and I’m wondering if I’m even allowed to keep taking that. I’ve got a meeting with the student support/head of Bute house at my daughters school later today and I’m hoping the call from whoever-it-was comes before this meeting so that I have the necessary information to give them.
I feel shocked and stunned. I guess I’m still processing this whole thing and having trouble connecting that this is my life and this happening to me. I’ve always had trouble with accepting any type of sickness on a personal level and I’m feeling guilty and afraid that those in the school are going to think the worst of me
The diagnosis explains a lot of what I’ve been experiencing this past few months — the tiredness and coughing and that feeling as if I’ve permanently inhaled a crap load of cat fur into the back of my throat and can’t get rid off no matter how much I cough.
Im worried for my youngest daughter who is 17 and autistic and how I am going to manage this next few months And as I sit here, my eyes keep closing — cat (Buddy) has beef fed — he’s the boss of the house and on a normal day this would be great — but today I really could have used an extra hour or so of sleep.
Sleep
Im not sure what I’m supposed to do here. Between Mika’s autism and me being “at that stage” Ivevstruggled with keeping us on the day schedule and normally I would be up now and determined to try staying up all day no matter how tired for fear of slipping into the night schedule which is so easy to do Do I sleep regardless now? I mean, this past weekend I could be training for the world championship of sleep competitions — I could literally sleep for England / Scotland if there was a sleeping event in the Olympics.
Anyways, I guess the day has started and it’s time to do something Time to wake her majesty (my nickname for my daughter), plug in the phone so I don’t run out of charge and stop scratching my foot which is helluva itchy in the mornings and evenings
