Waiting on scan results..

Hi Lizig , I have been reading your blog for some weeks now, thanks for sharing.

Regarding the anxiety, I completely get it. I had to wait a long time for my diagnosis and even when they told me I had lymphoma I had to wait another 4-5 weeks for additional scans and start of treatment. That time was awful. I was working but I was constantly checking my phone for emails, my NHS app for any new appointment or updated results... I would carry my phone with me everywhere in case someone decided to call. I was super anxious and inevitably my girlfriend got anxious too, asking for updates every few hours and insisting for me to call the GP if there was any delay with tests/results. I found that once I got the full diagnosis and started the treatment, I felt calm. You get assigned a nurse, you get a 24 hour help line, you feel sort of supported. But until then, it is a tough time. 

Around your friend, obvs difficult for me to say but I'd just put my mom's example here. Her and my dad came to the UK every couple of weeks during my treatment to help with hospital trips, house chores, cooking, etc. My mum has a life long friend who's been living in London for 20+ years, they see each other a couple of times a year when she goes back home to visit her family. My mum was reluctant to tell her about my condition because she didn't want her to worry and she overall found it difficult to share that she was struggling while I was going through treatment. She was avoiding messages and calls from her and she never told her she was in the UK. After 3 months, when I was finishing treatment (and I got results stating it was working), she told her she was in London and they met. My mum said to her 'you won't believe this, this is huge what I am going to tell you.'... She finished and then her friend said something like 'well, I have some big thing going on at the moment too'... and she told her how her son was struggling a lot with mental health and how she had been going through hell for 3-4 months due to incompetent GPs and lack of support for someone with deep mental health issues (self harm and beyond). 

My mum felt horrible, cause she realised how she had been avoiding her friend and then she sort of gave more importance to my health problem than to her friend's situation. But then they could connect on a whole different level as both have had similar feelings and had to support someone through a difficult time and battle worries and anxieties in different ways.

Anyway, a bit unrelated, but what I have learnt from my situation and other experiences is that it's very important to connect with friends and to share your feelings and thoughts, no matter how long you haven't spoken to someone. Some people feel better when they know they are helping others, this might be the case for your friend, maybe this helps with her grieving on a different level. I would contact her. Life's all about the connections with close friends and family and have you face adversity together.

Thank you so much. You really don't know (well, I suspect maybe you do) how much your reply means to me. Your Mum's experience resonates strongly and I will take your advice and reach out this afternoon.
Thank you also for telling your own story re waiting. I hadn't realised how powerfully helpful and reassuring it would be to hear it. As you may have gathered my husband, who at 75 is much older than me, doesn't want to talk about this at all. I know that will change when we know what we're dealing with. Meantime have a good afternoon knowing you have made someone's day

Hello again

Following your wise words I have made contact with my friend and we are meeting up next week. Thanks again