When I first had the diagnosis I was expecting the bad news having done some background research; I think this numbed the impact of having to look it in the face and do something about it... If at all possible...
Clearly there are a number of outcomes, none of which are pleasant and I had to haul myself in on the catastophisation... And concentrate on going through this a step at a time...
Consider also that people who are close to me will be deeply affected by the process and outcomes...
So I felt numb for the first couple of months, but always looking forward to a positive outcome... I would say that my mood was low with cheery peaks of insanity and gallows humour.... There is an awful lot of inevitable introspection to be doing...
The result of the laparoscopy... The final test to consider my suitability for the Ivor operation hit me like an inward explosion of a reality check... I am a borderline case in that my lymph nodes appear to need reigning in if the operation is to have a decent chance of removing all the cancer.
The upshot is that I need 6 sessions of chemotherapy starting Fri 13th Jan... Then re testing to make sure that the pesky critters have been corralled into a more manageable shape...
This made me feel like I had finally lost control... While having to remain positive... Morale is rather important here I feel... So we keep going... Onward and upwards!
