So today was my appointment with the consultant clinical oncologist; who will be organising my chemoradiation. I was feeling very relieved to finally have this appointment as I felt that it marked the end of diagnostics and the beginning of treatment; my move from contemplation to action and the start of my journey to kicking cancers butt. However I came away feeling deflated, more waiting for appointments for more tests and uncertainties as to where my treatment may be.
The team, who included the consultant clinical oncologist, a registrar and a specialist radiologist, were lovely, friendly, empathic and warm. They answered my questions as best they could and complemented me on being the most well informed patient they had met (thank you Google Scholar and Jo's Cervical Cancer Trust!).
The team ensured I understood my diagnosis; which is still a grade 2 squamous cell carcinoma of the cervix, staged as 2b, as it has spread from cervix into both parametrium as well as vaginal fornix and my iliac and common lymph nodes however node involvement doesn't change staging in cervical cancer but it does affect prognosis (unfortunately not for the better!).
They explained my treatment which includes: 25 sessions of external radiation - 5 days a week for 5 weeks, 5 sessions of chemotherapy - 1 session a week alongside radiation and 3 once weekly brachytherapy which is internal radiation. They explained the potential side effects like fatigue, nausea, pain, nerve damage, bowel and bladder changes, menopause and so on and management options such as HRT, anti-sickness drugs, pain relief, laxatives or anti-diarrhoea drugs. They explained the weekly blood tests I would need and the weekly fluids and possible blood transfusions to ensure my body was not becoming toxic due to chemotherapy.
They explained that they want to start treatment ASAP, presumably as there has already been a delay due to the cancer not being diagnosed until 12 weeks post-birth rather than at 24 weeks pregnant when my symptoms started (still a bit bitter about this but too late now so on we go), but that I need to have another CT scan first in order to get me ready for radiation treatments with some rubbish sounding tattoos and then they need 2 weeks between scan and treatment starting. Fingers crossed for scan next week then treatment starting mid Jan.
They also informed me that they can only have a few people in treatment at one time and cancer seems popular at the moment so they are pretty full up and so I may need to be treated at St Thomas' Hospital, London! Really?! I did my best "good patient" impression and said I don't mind where I go as long as you start treatment but in my head I was screaming NO, PLEASE NO!
It's not that I mind London and the hospital is great but the idea of having to try and get to London, by train, 5 days a week for treatment terrifies me. How am I gonna manage London?! The idea makes me feel physically sick. The commuters, the pushing and rushing, all the different smells, no seats. How will I manage that with the abovementioned side effects plus the severe pain I am now in more often than not. How can I commute when I feel the most intense, deep, gnawing pain in my lower back, hips and thighs plus cramps and burning pain around my groin and hips that makes me rock back and forth and want to scream.
How will I be able to manage?! The answer, I have to. I have no choice. If I want cancer gone I have to do whatever it takes to kick its' butt and if that includes commuting to London, in agony, with douchebags with briefcases pushing and shoving and talking loudly on their mobiles and not giving up seats, then so be it (still hoping I won't need to though)!
