I hope everyone has had a lovely christmas, however they chose to spend it.
I had a fairly quiet christmas with my hubby, our 2 children, my little chunky monkey who is 3 months old and blissfully ignorant and my cheeky monkey who is 3 going on 13, has far too much energy and is too clever for her own good and my sister in law.
Christmas was lovely with my pain behaving, lots of food and presents and fun and distracting games, such as ps4 camera (see pic below), game of thrones cluedo, doctor who trivial pursuits and my 2 favourites - cards against humanity and guards against insanity; just brilliant but maybe not to play with kids or grandma (chemo sessions maybe )!
Boxing day wasn't so great, I felt awful, low grade temperature, feeling cold but skin on fire and pain bad. Needless to say it didn't take much for me to have my first meltdown since this journey begun.
I thought having cancer things would change, food would taste better, the sky would be more blue and the little things would no longer annoy me! How wrong was I?! My appetite is less, everything is slightly more grey and everything annoys me and I find I am more snappy and irritable than usual.
I hate that my family suffer because of the pain and because I feel run down and stressed. I even had a moment, on boxing day eve after I had a breakdown over nothing, where I wished I had no family! I wished I was single and alone, just so then no-one would have to suffer because of me and my dark passenger. Luckily my hubby is awesome, listened then set me straight, gave me a hug and I put my cheeky monkey to bed; greatful for the amazing supportive family I have!
After the relaxing bank holidays I met up with some awesome mummy friends which was another lovely distraction but ultimately I needed to come back to reality, so I emailed my team; just in case they had a date for my planning CT and treatment start date. The consultant clinical oncologist got back to me herself, within the hour, with a date for my CT and my first treatment session and an apology that it couldn't be done sooner!
Once again I am amazed at how fantastic my team are, nothing is too much trouble for them so far. So 3rd January I have my CT and prison tattoos and then 17th January my chemoradiation begins and hopefully this is the beginning of the end for my dark passenger but I will just have to take it one session at a time and have faith that I will win this battle; "maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday!"
