This is a loooong one.. I won't blame anyone for not reading it all. It was just therapeutic getting it all out.
I thought once the treatment was underway, we were going to find our way into a routine and things would perhaps settle down a little bit. I'm not sure if we have been unusual or if I was just hopelessly naive,
After my last post, things went south super fast. Ned woke on Saturday evening about 21:30 and, just like the weekend before, was throwing up terribly. Just like last time there was blood, but this was different, it wasn't vomit mixed with blood... it was just blood. Lots and lots of blood.
In too much of a panic to drive myself, I called my parents who were here in minutes. They helped me get Ned to the local A&E again, who got him straight through to resuscitation. Unlike last time, when his symptoms subsided after he got to the hospital, he continued to throw up a lot of blood, and I could see the worry in the nurses and doctors faces. His pulse was over 155 bpm and he was really weak. Some blood had also been pushed back into his feeding peg, so we new that there was blood in his stomach.
Just like the weekend before, Ned was examined by an ENT specialist and then taken to a hospital with a specialist department. They kept him in all Sunday. He stayed very weak and tired, and still very nauseous. He was unable to keep even a sip of water down, so they got him on fluids to stop him dehydrating. His parents came to see him, and were shocked by how ill he looked. I stayed strong, reassured them that he was going to be okay, that he just needed some rest and fluids. I'm not really sure I believed it, I just wanted them to feel better. It didn't work, apparently they cried all the way home. I don't blame them... a nurse caught me crying by his bed a little later.
The next day some of Ned's nausea had passed, but only because he had nothing left in his stomach. He was still completely unable to stomach anything, and he was still bleeding. He had woken up that morning with blood all over his pillow and his face and neck. However, it was Monday so Ned needed to get to the Christie for his next Radiotherapy. We asked multiple times, and were assured that the hospital we were in were liaising with the Christie and that it was under control, but late afternoon, by the time we were starting to really worry, Ned's consultant at the Christie phoned my mobile and asked where Ned was. He explained that he had told the hospital to get Ned transferred quickly, and that was at 9am! I was livid!!! I handed my mobile over to the doctor on the ward, so that they could explain to him why Ned was still there. I felt quite bad for the poor doctor, I think there had been a mix up in the communication, but I could hear the consultant was giving this poor doctor a telling off. Shortly after that the ambulance crew arrived but they explained that there was a bad accident on the route to the hospital and we were not going to make it in time for Ned's treatment.
They were right... the roads were awful. I was frustrated, angry and upset, not to mention exhausted. I think I had tears streaming down my face the whole 90min+ drive. I was convinced Ned was going to miss his Radiotherapy. But when I got there, I found out that the ambulance had beat me there, and the whole Radiology team had stayed behind to ensure Ned got his treatment. I need to make sure we let them know how much that meant... at least get them a card or something like that. We got Ned settled, then I left him rest. He was asleep before I got out of the room.
I went straight to my mum and dads instead of home, just wasn't ready to go home alone. I got there, we chatted and had a brew, and when I got up to leave I just burst into tears. My dad and mum both cried too, and we hugged. We aren't the over-emotional type... I could count on one hand the amount of times I've seen them cry. It was heart breaking.
On Tuesday morning the doctor had an emergency CT scan run on Ned so that he can try to work out what's going on, and also got him onto a host of medications to help his symptoms. By lunch time, Ned was definitely feeling better, and by tea time, he was back to being able to drink and eat. He ate a salad and a baked potato with beans. I've never been so happy to watch him eat!! His mum and dad came to see him in the afternoon and my mum and dad came in the evening. It was wonderful watching all their faces as they saw how much better he was doing.
Another good thing that happened on Tuesday came in the way of a letter that arrived at home. Back when we first bought our house together, we took out insurance against critical illness. A couple of weeks ago we sent them some info to see if we could had a claim, and today they wrote to tell us that they had accepted the claim and would cover us. Just like that we are now financially stable, no matter what happens. When I showed Ned the letter he cried with happiness, I've never seen him react like that to anything. It's the first time he has cried since his diagnosis.
Today was Wednesday, and again, Ned is doing well. We got the results for yesterday's CT scan back, they are both good and bad. The cancer is receding from Ned's mouth, which is fantastic, and the reason he can eat a bit more now. It also means that the cancer is reacting to the treatment, which is a really good sign. However.. the scan also showed that the cancer is spreading into Ned's neck, and the doctor is fairly confident that it has reached a lymph node. We aren't really 100% sure what that means, but we know it isn't good, and means that cancer can spread more easily to other parts of the body. The Doctor did say, however, that Ned's prognosis is still very good and not to let the change worry us. He is adjusting the treatment to compensate and will keep a close eye on him.
Ned didn't get any visitors other than me today, for the first time in a while we were able to just be together. We chatted, we held hands, we messed with his new radio and even manage to get his phone onto the wi-fi so he could watch some movies later. It was nice.
So that's it... I can't believe it's only been 4 days and all of the above has happened. I never liked rollercoasters... and I don't like this one.
