Ive been doing really well then 2 days ago I told mine and my husband family that the gp thinks I have cancer. When the doctor said "were looking at cancer" I laughed and said "but isn't it a infection" when he said "im sorry kerry but no its defently not a infection" I still never believed him. So again I said "but its an infection cant I just have some antibiotics, it will be gone in a week. I remember the gp taking my hand and sayin "my love its not an infection". I done it again though and said "it must be a cyst then thats it isnt it". My gp said "im going to be blunt here I am 99% sure its cancer" only then did it sink in. I told my stepmum and dad this and the support I got from my stepmum has been amazing and still is she usally has a go at me for telling them before I knew any facts but this time she was completely different and her and dad are coming to my appoitment with me so my husband can look after our daughter whos on half term that day. She also said that she was my mum in her eyes. And if me or my husband needed her she was only a 20 minutes drive away and if I need a brake or a shoulder to cry on or advice she was here for me my dad eas just aa good but he cried after I was told my mum my real mum died of breast cancer when I was 4 after a 2 year battle so his scared I have thr sane type yes and we do know the cures and tests are a lot better now but he still cried.
Well after all this I was walking round like a zombie everything I thought about seemed to turn to cancer in a whole to the treatment I might need if I had it and the tests I would need. I was in the shower last night and went to wash my hair when I sae the shampoo all I could think off is will I lose my hair. I wept and sat on my shower chair and sobbed for about 10 minutes my husband came and got me out the shower made me sit on the sofa with a sweet cup of tea. I think it finally sunk in that I may have cancer but since I faced up to it I still feel weapy at times but I believe im a lot stronger and more clear about things I have also found something I can think and talk about which dont end up as a cancer thought my daughters birthday in 4 weeks and christmas. I need to be kept busy but being disabled and being told to rest because of it so books, puzzles and writing a story even if its no good helps me focus on other things than this thought HAVE I GOT BREAST CANCER PAGET'S I BELIEVE ITS CALLED AND WHEN WILL I WAKE FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.
