I have no idea what I am doing. I have never blogged before and I have no idea if it will help.
Ah well, in for a penny, in for a pound. What have I got to loose? It's not like anyone knows my real name, right?
Family is my life and my dad, like so many dads, was my hero. He died last year in February, so it's actually closer to two years now. So why have I suddenly became this lunatic who can't even think about my dad without tears welling up in my eyes? I'm sat in a well known cafe right now, struggling to stop the impending well of tears. What has happened to me and why now?
Change has happened, that's what's triggered it, change!!! Darn thing you change.
FormerMember
Hello notes, just to say I read your blog and you sound like a normal, sensitive person trying to make sense of your loss. Please share some more if you feel like it. Best wishes
I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer seven weeks ago,i am angry one minute crying shouting the next.The hospice said I could have bereavement councelling but I,ve heard nothing...... Not surprised really..where can someone help me my anxiety and panics are getting worse sometimes I want to sleep forever this is too hard.
I really feel for you, my daughters hide their feelings of grief from me , I think they try to protct me , I think the first year your numb then reality sets in , and it hits you like a tsunami ,grief has no time limit , if you have a mum do talk to her,share your hurt your anger and emotions she will be trying to be strong for you, tears are ok ,let them flow ,losing your Dad is not fair ,so many things you needed to share with him, the tsunamis will have longer periods between them, you hurt so much because you loved so much, your Dad was your hero he must of loved you so much , sorry I cant take the hurt away , in time you will live along side your grief ,talk about your Dad to those who loved him like you .
Did anyone listen to the interview with Steve Hewlett on Radio 4's PM? 19th Sep. He is a journalist but also a Dad with 3 sons. His pain at hurting them or worrying them was unbearable, the rest of his cancer experience didn't seem to worry him much. It reminded me of the flash of fear in my son's eyes when I explained the best I could after my op the extent of the damage. Then quick as a flash the mask went up, and he was brave on my behalf.
Pooh Bear, I can totally empathise with what you are saying, it is all very new and raw for you and you must be hurting so much. Nothing I say will make you feel better but feel free to vent here if it helps a little bit.
Zz, I didn't hear the interview. I have a mask a very big one that I have used all my life. Now, however, it seems to want to come off and that is scary. But I guess that is normal, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
Julia-l, it has taken me about three attempts to read your comment and I still can't without welling up. Which isn't attractive in the middle of Starbucks let me tell you. Still, thank you for your comment and I really do hope to get to the point of talking (or reading) without opening up the flood gates. Hope is there and the small steps action plan is slowly working.
