ok so it's 4am and I'm wide awake AGAIN!......
I'm now 10 months on from the dreaded day i found out that i had been blessed with breast cancer stage 3,
that day will stay with me for as long as i live.....
i'm a single mum of a beautiful little boy age 6,at the time of diagnosis he was 5.
as all mums i used to be attacking daily life at 100 miles an hour,always in a hurry...always on to the next thing...but was starting to find things difficult and was getting tired very easily, more than ever!
the summer of last year started in a relationship with a man that i met in the February and totally fell in love with.
i didn't think it was posible to be that happy!
the sun was getting warm and we where out and about me and my little boy,going to the park,walks across the meadows and it was nice to feel the warm sun on my skin.
the boyfriend had a busy socioal life and i found it hard that he spent a lot of time at the weekends forfilling his hobbie with his mates.
i started to find it difficult...like really difficult...i was getting upset very easy and almost fainted one day when he said" i won't come round tomorrow night as i'v seen you tonight"..the color drainned from my face....i litrully nearly fell on the floor! it wasn't normal to feel like that and i could see he was looking at me almost thinking..."gees i only told her i won't see her tomorrow night!!!!!",
i was feeling very anxious....in fact nothing at all was feeling right!
we then got to June.....yay!!!!! my birthday was just around the corner!!!! THE BIG 40!!!!,i was startting to feel excitted ;) there i was about to turn 40 an amazing little boy and had met the man of my dreams,life felt good :)
had a great few days and i was spoilt rotten ,bunches of flowers,beautiful presents,meals out,girlfriends popping in and genrally enjoying nice times.
we then get close to school being out.........lovely 6 weeks with my boy and yes the holidays started great.
i chucked myself full forse in to it and made loads of plans to do lots of things with friends and there children and just stuff with me and my boy.
one of the first days we spent down the meadows feeding the ducks and looking around my old childhood hunts,it was a beautiful warm sunny day and life felt pretty ok.
a few days after that i was cutting my friends hair and some how took a massive chunk out of my finger with my brand new scissors i had brought with my birthday money,massive fail!!!!!! stuffed me right up.
rushed down to the doctors and plaster strips where applied.
not the best day.....
for some reason though i didn't deal with this very well! i seem to be more wet and perthetic than ever!
we where moving on with the holidays regardless of my blondness and the finger slowly got better.
things inside me didn't seem to get better though....i was feeling emotional,much more emotional than ever,i was getting upset about the small things and also missing the fact my mum wasn't around and feeling "i wish i had a mum right by my side",
(i do have a mum but we don't have the best relationship,and she doesn't live around here)
the summer holidays where coming to an end and it was time to start getting things ready for going back to school.
me and the boyfriend had a massive bust up.
it was done he left me :(
i think he had had enough.....
he wasn't copping with me,i was driving him crazy with the way i was and the fact i couldn't seem to control my emotions.
hhhhhmmmmmmmmmm something very strange was happening to me.
right time to get back to sleep as its starting to get light and little man will be in soon asking for breakfast and wanting me to listen to his tracktor game.
