So its been a crazy month but I get my results from my surgery on the 3rd Oct and I am guessing my treatment plan .
I have gone through so many different feelings my brain feels very frazzled . I feel like I have a 1000 questions but don't know which one to ask first but then until I get my treatment plan there is no point asking them I guess .
Looking forward to my reflexology treatment I have booked in on Thursday with the local hospice although that in itself brought tears as it was another realization of the position I find myself in . When I rang up to book it I had to ask if I was considered to have a proper illness compared to those that had lung cancer and other cancers that I have lost loved ones too .
Its weird but I guess because I don't look ill well apart from being tired and still having a rainbow coloured boob I kind of felt like a fake . I think I have only ever seen people that are in the thick of the illness and don't know anyone else who has breast cancer so not really sure have I am suppose to look and feel which sounds crazy .
Oldest daughter has now gone off on her journey through uni and I am so proud of her but part of me so wishes she was here which is really selfish but then the other part is glad she is on her next life journey .
My Son is getting himself ready to start on his new journey having handed his notice in to his work and will be moving out end of Oct . Which just leaves me hubby and the youngest who is 14 . She has a lot of problems of her own she has recently been given a diagnosis of asd and is about to start medication for her anxieties which I guess will help me keep my feet on the ground through all of this .
Still thinking about getting a new tattoo I wanted something to show I am strong but then I don't want the norm cancer tattoo as I don't want to feel a victim so I'm looking at a little unicorn not really sure why , I'm also not really sure I want to put myself through a couple of hours of pain ......
I will stop my waffling now but it just helps to get these things out of my head so there's a little less whizzing around in there .
Maria xx
