Getting closer to the front now arghhhhhhhhhhhh

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

27 Sep 2016

So its been a crazy month but I get my results from my surgery on the 3rd Oct and I am guessing my treatment plan .

I have gone through so many different feelings my brain feels very frazzled . I feel like I have a 1000 questions but don't know which one to ask first but then until I get my treatment plan there is no point asking them I guess .

Looking forward to my reflexology treatment I have booked in on Thursday with the local hospice although that in itself brought tears as it was another realization of the position I find myself in . When I rang up to book it I had to ask if I was considered to have a proper illness compared to those that had lung cancer and other cancers that I have lost loved ones too .

Its weird but I guess because I don't look ill well apart from being tired and still having a rainbow coloured boob I kind of felt like a fake . I think I have only ever seen people that are in the thick of the illness and don't know anyone else who has breast cancer so not really sure have I am suppose to look and feel which sounds crazy .

Oldest daughter has now gone off on her journey through uni and I am so proud of her but part of me so wishes she was here which is really selfish but then the other part is glad she is on her next life journey .

My Son is getting himself ready to start on his new journey having handed his notice in to his work and will be moving out end of Oct . Which just leaves me hubby and the youngest who is 14 . She has a lot of problems of her own she has recently been given a diagnosis of asd and is about to start medication for her anxieties which I guess will help me keep my feet on the ground through all of this .

Still thinking about getting a new tattoo I wanted something to show I am strong but then I don't want the norm cancer tattoo as I don't want to feel a victim so I'm looking at a little unicorn not really sure why , I'm also not really sure I want to put myself through a couple of hours of pain ......

I will stop my waffling now but it just helps to get these things out of my head so there's a little less whizzing around in there .

Maria xx

FormerMember over 8 years ago

Hi Maria / Maria 712

If you have a lot of questions cluttering your head but don't know which ones to ask until after you get your results you could create a few separate Q lists.

Depending on the differing directions this could go in - Like if they offer xxx as treatment ask questions from list A, but if they offer yyy as a treatment regime ask questions from list B etc...

If you are to be given chemo concentrate on that for now and forget about stuff like radiotherapy until you get to that stage, as it will be a long way off as yet.

A lot of ladies decide to get a tattoo of some sort but don't think about getting one just yet if you are having chemo. Know mostly they are problem free, but the last thing you need is the risk of an infection of some sort from it as that will delay the chemotherapy starting by a few weeks until it is totally healed and infection free.

Best wishes for good news on the 3rd - Don't forget your breast group 'besties' are here to help if you need us :)

Take care, G n' J
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

Write them down your head will be full of emotions.
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

Yes I agree, I jotted all my questions down on the notepad on my phone. I emailed my consultant beforehand too.

The worst part of this journey is definitely the fear of the unknown. One of my worst part of the emotional rollercoaster was the time before chemo started but for me personally, the weekly regime was no where near as bad as I had imagined.

Good luck for next week! x
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

So one sleep left until I go to the hospital to get the results/treatment plan .

My hubby is worried about how I am going to cope with it all but me I am just looking at hats and natural shower gels and body lotions . Wonder if that's my brains way of blocking out when coming my way .

Either way there's nothing I can do now but go along on the rollercoaster ride and see where it takes me .

Maria
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

Morning Maria / Maria 712

I somehow think that one last sleep will be an interrupted one :-/

Hope you have someone going with you, and you get to dodge the chemo bullet. Nothing worse than sitting there waiting on your own with no conversations to help stop your mind from wandering.

What time is your appt ? - early is good, sort of gets it over with sooner :)

Hugs and best wishes for tomorrow, G n' J
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