Well I am here at Weston Park hospital waiting for my first appointment with the oncologist.
Just noticed that they are running 60 minutes late but strangely it does not concern me.
I am desperately trying to keep my anxieties at bay by a combination of getting up every few minutes and walking around and trying to read the Guardian newspaper.
It's hot in here and the sweat is pouring off me, only managing to keep it at bay by numerous paper towels taken from the toilet.
This all started 3 weeks ago when I went to see a consultant about what I thought was a bad case of piles. One look through by the consultant with what I thought was a plastic telescope and he knew straight away - not piles but a cancerous growth.
I had to have all the confirming tests of course - biopsy CAT and MRI scans and then PET scan.
The result - anal cancer and a dodgy looking node on my lung.
The impact was like being it with baseball bat.
I immediately went into a downward spiral of anxiety, panic and terrible thoughts.
I was already writing myself off with thoughts of arranging my own funeral, tidying up all my junk and giving it away (getting my affairs I order?) and even thinking of asking my cousin who is a vicar to take the service.
I existed by laying on my bed, sleeping, trying to read or listen to audio books, none of which didn't really help.
I couldn't sleep at night, kept shaking, sweating, crying for no apparent reason and had absolutely no appetite.
My wife has been incredibly supportive, as has my two daughters and all of them who have drummed in to me that I needed to keep positive.
As I said it's been three weeks since I have known that a I have cancer. I am just about managing to keep my emotions under control and have started eating again. It's been a combination of speaking to Macmillian, joining in with the online community and taking one day as it comes. I still cry when trying to talk to others about it and sleep is difficult but I think I have turned a corner.
I have also decided to try and get a new hobby which will keep my mind off things. Just trying to decide what is a distraction!
I have had many different hobbies since retiring all of which have come to next to nothing and cost a lot of money, so actually haven't told my wife yet of this decision.
FormerMember
Best of luck. I hope the oncologist appointment went ok. We are at a similar stage in the long journey through this. My husband was diagnosed with cancer of the gullet on 3rd August. After what has felt like a very long month of nothing happening, he is off to London next week for further scans and an appointment with the consultant, then the oncologist the week after, so I guess we will hit the ground running after that. Find a Happy that keeps you occupied is best
I hope all goes with you and your husband. Its the waiting thats the worst but I feel better now that I know I have a treatment plan for my anal cancer. Just waiting for an appointment for the lung.
I like the advice of finding a Happy to keep occupied - thank you
