This is a hard path to walk alone, and I am grateful for all the friends and family who are there for me. I know it is not easy for them, but some just know what to say and do, often those who have been in need of support themselves at some time. Compassion isn't complicated. It's not trying to fix things, or to distract me from my cancer, but simply being there, listening, walking alongside for a while.
I have 3 siblings, none of whom live nearby, and all of whom offer support in different ways. My youngest brother has a very busy and stressful job. Never one for conversation, he has started using WhatsApp to keep in touch. It is enough to get regular photos/short messages just to let me know he is thinking of me. It has brought us closer together at a time when I need support. My middle sibling phones and sends occasional cards, either humorous or something I would like. We are too far apart to meet often, but the calls and cards are enough. My older sibling phoned last week - 'I'm sorry we haven't been in touch, but we do think of you'. This was the hardest, although well meant. Unfortunately I lack psychic powers to know that people are thinking of me, but frequent reminders and messages, however short, help enormously.
I know I have been guilty of not keeping in touch myself and I now have a list of people I need to offer a hand of friendship to. It sounds calculated, but my memory isn't great, and having a list helps me remember to keep in touch. I know how much it helped after our daughter died and so I have a list, not only of friends in need, but of significant dates for bereaved friends. With so many ways to keep in touch, it takes only a few seconds to send a message saying 'thinking of you'.
